Spring Equinox: Thoughts on Intentions, Life and Death(!)

On March 20, 2019March 20, 2019 By Widow BadassIn Blogging, Goals & Dreams, Health Transformation, Hmmm?34 Comments

It’s Spring!!!! Let me just speak for all (OK, maybe not you guys on Vancouver Island…grrrr! 😉 ) Canadians and say how relieved we are that IT IS OFFICIALLY SPRING ON THE CALENDAR and Winter 2019 is now behind us.

As is my habit, I use these times of the year to check in on my progress towards my intentions. This provides me with a quarterly reminder and opportunity for course-correction, if needed. It’s like using the Daylight Savings Time changes to remind you to check the batteries in a smoke detector, except more in keeping with the natural world!

So…so far, so good. I am keeping up with making good on my word for 2019: Record, entering a few bon mots (or not so bon mots) every day in my journal.

Wish I’d said that. I tend to be more of a wise-cracker, but hey! Calisthenics! That’s like exercise, right? Exercise is good. Even if it’s only brain exercise.

My health journey – also so far, so good! I’m killing my 10K step goal. And, as of today, I have lost just over 13 pounds since I joined WW last October. I feel great, with lots of energy and enthusiasm to get me through my days. My jeans fits nicely – even a bit loose – for the first time in a long time. I love everything about WW – I love the app; the flexibility; the variety; the focus on healthy, whole foods and daily activity; the support and sharing at the workshop; and of course (so important for me) – the accountability. I even lost 1/2 pound after coming back from my winter travels – and believe me, I did not track my food/liquor intake or even try to restrict myself while vacationing!

One of the best things about this weight loss is that already my blood pressure has come down significantly. I may soon have to adjust how I take my BP medication, and hopefully can get off it completely at some point.

Treated myself to a new water container at work when I noticed I was not drinking enough during the day. I saw this at the store and was drawn to it, like a magnet. I likes the SHINY. 🙂

The A-Z Blog Challenge is coming up at the beginning of April, and for the first time in 4 years, I won’t be participating. Because I’ll be travelling again (AGAIN!!!) in the middle of the month. This is turning out to be quite the year for me. So here’s what’s happening: my SIL and BIL have put their names in every year for the past 10 years, for the opportunity to buy passes to the Masters Golf Tournament in Augusta, Georgia. And you guessed it – this year they got notified their names were drawn. So guess who got invited to join them down there? That’s right. THIS GAL!

We’ll be staying in an “executive home” and meals and transportation to and from the course are included. I don’t have much more details than that, at this point. Except for knowing the dress code and rules for being a spectator (no cameras, cell phone, no electronics PERIOD). This last part has me a bit stressed. What is a blogger without her camera??? Speaking of …

I decided, after months of thinking about it, to treat myself to a new camera.

My new baby. With the video screen flipped up. Yet something else to learn how to work. Check out the size of this “getting-started” manual. I downloaded the “real” manual from ye olde Canon website. Oh yes, brain calisthenics for the win!

My previous camera is 5 years old. Which is like using a 5 year old phone or computer. Ancient technology. I’m looking forward to using the video function more and more. I may eventually post the odd video diary to YouTube if I feel confident enough to try out this vlogging thing. Speaking of YouTube…

My new obsession: Caitlin Doughty, and her channel

Caitlin is an author and YouTuber, and the founder/leader (or at least one of them) of The Order of the Good Death – a death-positivity movement. I hope I haven’t lost you yet! She is a mortician and an advocate of helping families take back control of their loved one’s death and funeral rites, helping them to choose greener burials (usually much lower in cost than the traditional way too) and to say goodbye in a healthier, more personal and meaningful way. She is trying to change the dialogue around death and empower families to stand up to pushy funeral homes, and does it with short, fun videos that I find very entertaining and educational. Her channel has hours of content about death-related topics and rituals from around the world (Ask a Mortician! Iconic Corpses! Morbid Minutes!) that are addictive to watch!

Here’s a really good one about grief, to give you a sample. One that’s not quite so macabre – not that there is anything wrong with that! A-hem!!!

What she says really resonates with me because I consider myself a pretty death-positive person. I don’t shy away from the topic or people who are dying. (Let’s face it: we are all dying. Just some of us sooner than others).

In fact, with all the deaths I’ve had to experience in my family lately, I’ve found that I have kind of an aptitude for it, if that’s the right term. Someday I may volunteer in some capacity to help people with death. Like at a hospice.

And I feel really strongly about having a green burial. I sent Mizz J a random text this week telling her (again) of my wishes to be sewn into a biodegradable shroud and dumped, un-embalmed, into a hole in the ground, to nourish the soil and plant life. I even sent her a link to a green burial cemetery – you know – just in case something happens before I can arrange it for myself. As one does…

Thinking of and planning my death is not at all morbid, to me. My mom planned and paid for her funeral years in advance and it brought her great peace of mind. And made our job of caring for her in her illness and death so much easier at a difficult time. Because we knew exactly what she wanted done, at the end.

That’s it for me. Happily thinking about death at the start of this season of new life. 🙂 How are you all doing at this point in 2019? Please feel free to share in the comments.

Rock on,

The WB

Ice

On March 17, 2019March 17, 2019 By Widow BadassIn See the Beauty, The Great Outdoors27 Comments

Today I got onto my favourite local trail for the first time since coming back from my winter travels to Vancouver Island and Barbados. This is what I saw as I approached the entrance to the trail.

Hmmm. Wonder why this barrier was put up by the City?

Well, it didn’t take me long to figure out why the City was trying to discourage people from using the trail.

Ice, ice everywhere. Except on the boardwalks.

Slide marks from previous walkers…er…sliders. It quickly became apparent that sliding was the safest way to go, in most places.

Just how thick is this ice? Glad you asked. I found a place where there was a crack in the ice, just so I could show you.

Close up of 2 inch thick ice coating the trail.

Ice was also found on the river, of course. Nice to observe, from a less slippery vantage point on the shore.

Weirdly beautiful ice formation on the river.

Ice shelf near the bank of Chilligo Creek.

I didn’t fall. Didn’t break or strain anything. But also didn’t walk (er…slide) as far as I intended when I set out this morning. But it was worth it as I got quite close (for a change) to a couple of these guys:

Rock on,

The WB

p.s. this is my first post using the new block editor in WordPress. So far I really like it. Reminds me a bit of using MS Word, so somewhat familiar to me. However, I don’t like how my images are being compressed, but I’ll sort that out later…right now I have to figure out whether to start watching Drag Race Season 10 or American Gods Season 2 or (insert some other show that got released recently and I’ve already forgotten what it is). You know: Sunday evening priorities.

p.p.s. oh, and fingers crossed the email announcing this post gets sent out this time. Last post it didn’t work (2nd time this has happened to me) and I haven’t a clue as to why. #bloggerwoes

What Else Am I Missing in Life: a lesson from makeup samples

On March 10, 2019March 10, 2019 By Widow BadassIn Hmmm?27 Comments

This post could also have been called: Beware of Falling Into Ruts.

Last weekend my pal Mizz K took me out for lunch and to play with makeup at Sephora and MAC – a highly enjoyable pastime, that we have enjoyed before.

I picked up some eyeshadow and lipstick that I didn’t need, but that made me happy. As I was checking out at Sephora, the girl behind the counter dropped a couple of lipstick samples into my bag.

Usually I get “anti-aging” product samples (unasked for) dropped in my bag, by the ever-so helpful beauticians (really? why can’t I get some fun stuff instead?) so this was very welcome.

When I got home I pulled the samples out and immediately judged that one had potential but the other had absolutely none.

Dior Addict Stellar Shine Samples — Sorry about the mess. If I’d known I was going to write a blog post about this, I would’ve snapped a picture before I dug into the samples.

I don’t do orange. I feel at this age, I know my colours. I know what looks good on my body and my face, and browns and oranges are colours I avoid. I am a pink/plum/burgundy lipstick kind of gal. So immediately, I gravitated toward the colour on the right and dismissed the colour on the left.

However, some spirit of adventure momentarily took control of my senses and I opened the orang-y Dior Charm sample and applied it to my lips.

Mind. Blown.

Whaaaaa? I not only like this colour on me. I LOVE IT.

I don’t know if it’s because I am rocking the Barbados tan still or what. But this coral-y, orang-y, avoid-at-all-costs colour not only looks pinky-natural on me, I love what it does for my whole face.

I was so surprised by this, I didn’t trust my own eyes.

Wait, this can’t be right. I’m just imagining it. This isn’t my colour. It’s gotta be a trick of the light. HOW. CAN. THIS. BE. A. THING. Did I mention THIS IS NOT MY COLOUR? WHO AM I ANYMORE?!?!?!

I had to ask my friend – fashion historian and overall arbiter of good taste – Jonathan Walford, if the colour actually looked as good on me as I thought it did.

He said it did – looked very natural, he said. Well, OK then. Confirmed!

Coral lipstick – where have you been all my life?

So this begs the question: what else I am missing out on because I’ve become stuck in a rut or think I KNOW what to use and what to avoid?

I tell you, this experience has made me question a lot more stuff that I thought I knew for sure. Who knows what other surprises are in store for me!

Ooooh, the power of makeup to transform not only your outsides, but your insides!

I should write an advertisement. Dior makeup people – you know where to find me, right?

How about you? Ever had a moment where everything you thought you knew went straight out the window? Do tell.

Rock on,

The WB

One Month, Two Oceans: The Changing Seasons February 2019

On February 28, 2019 By Widow BadassIn Good Times, See the Beauty, The Great Outdoors35 Comments

February was an incredible month for me – and one of extremes. In temperature and geography! You can read about my travels here, here, here, here and here.

I started off the month on Vancouver Island, which is surrounded by the Pacific Ocean.

Yep, those are surfers behind me. On Groundhog Day!

After a few short days back at Chez Badass (and work), it was off to Barbados, an island surrounded by the Caribbean Sea in the Atlantic Ocean:

2019 Barbados sign on the beach, just off the boardwalk.

And beautiful flowers. This one is called Pride of Barbados (aka peacock flower).

And green monkeys. This elusive guy shot by CJ on a morning walk.

And cute little crabs that are really hard to see when not scuttling around the beach.

And racehorses reluctant to be bathed in the sea, after early morning exercise.

And less reluctant horses actually swimming in deep water, for non-weight bearing exercise…

And tall ships (spotted along with the horses, in Carlisle Bay).

But all good things come to an end, eventually. This is how I ended my magical month of February:

Using a hatchet to break up my driveway’s ice.

Trying to be as stoic about the weather as the Buddha of the Patio.

Today’s weather – I can be forgiven for shedding a tear or two, right?

March and the Spring Equinox – bring it on!

The Changing Seasons is a monthly photo challenge, hosted by Su Leslie at Zimmerbitch. Go check her beautiful blog out!

Rock on,

The WB

George Washington House – Barbados 2019

On February 21, 2019February 25, 2019 By Widow BadassIn Good Times, See the Beauty21 Comments

George Washington came to Barbados in 1751 while he was still a relative nobody – hoping for a career as a land surveyor and farmer – in the company of his older brother Lawrence. Lawrence was suffering from tuberculosis, and they hoped the climate in Barbados would cure him. It didn’t – Lawrence died the following year, unfortunately. While in Barbados, George contracted small pox and did survive. This gave him immunity and saved him from potentially dying of it later, as an outbreak occurred during the American war of independence. And we know how the rest of that story went…Barbadians are proud of the small but significant part their country played in America’s history.

Very close to our hotel is the George Washington House, in the heart of the Garrison District of Barbados. CJ and I discovered this on a morning walk around the racetrack, which sits in a bowl-shaped area known as the Savannah.

Map of the Garrison District, as it exists today.

The Savannah used to fill up with water every rainy season, and as a result mosquito-borne diseases such as malaria and yellow fever would increase during that time. The British did not know the cause of the diseases at that time, but did recognize they coincided with the sitting water, so they created tunnels under the Savannah, to drain the water and for stealthy troop movements in case of attack. The tunnels go on for miles underneath, to a variety of buildings, eventually leading to the sea at Carlisle Bay.

The existence of the tunnels were the stuff of rumours and almost forgotten, until someone needed to do some work at George Washington House and rediscovered them during the process.

Our morning visit to George Washington House included an informative short video about George Washington’s stay, followed by a tour of the tunnels and the house.

Our guide (one of two during our tour) Wilbert provided us with a fascinating tour of the 200 feet of the tunnels we were allowed to travel.

Wilbert in the tunnel. Not for the claustrophobic, he warned us. This section of the tunnel was made with bricks previously used on sailing ships as ballast. Some of the tunnel is dug right into the coral that makes up the island of Barbados.

After our tunnel tour, we were handed off to Martin, who showed us the house itself.

George Washington House exterior, with separate kitchen building on the right

Entryway and 30 seat dining table, built expressly for GW House’s Monday evening “Dinner with George” (which we did not know about until too late, unfortunately).

Recreation of period tea set from broken pieces found in the gully beside the house. Love the criss-cross handle detail, and the pie crust table.

Martin showing us an 18th century rum bottle brought up from Carlisle Bay. Sailors would throw them overboard once empty. Damn litterbugs!

George’s bedroom. On the ground floor, off the main hallway. Not his actual bed as none of the original furniture was saved due to GW’s relative nobody-ness at the time. Furnishings are typical of the period, however. I need to paint a room this colour.

18th century tall boy, once owned by actress Claudette Colbert, who lived on Barbados once she retired from film.

Close up of gorgeous hardware on the tall boy.

Brother Lawrence’s bedroom – bigger and better as befits the elder son. Across the hall. Love the hide-covered chest.

18th century gentleman’s bag. I call it a murse (man purse).

Medical text of that time period. Includes cures for hangovers and cancer…

Next door to the house was the kitchen – separated from the main house in case of fire.

This was the closest thing to refrigeration in the tropics, at that time. A room off the main kitchen, kept cool by wetting the earthen floor and capturing the breeze through the slit in the wall.

The kitchen sink, complete with jukking board, for washing clothes.

After the main floor tour, we were invited to explore the second storey exhibits, on our own.

The second story of GW House (thankfully air-conditioned!) was filled with exhibits about the life and times of the inhabitants of Barbados in the 18th century.

Slaves outnumbered owners 4-1 at one point. Which led to the “creolization” of the Island, according to what we read. (Which I think means there was a lot of mixing going on.) Also, the white people were terrified of being overtaken, so control was tight and punishments were extremely harsh. Sad part of the history of this beautiful island.

We were told by others to definitely stop at the onsite cafe (formerly the stables) for refreshments. It did not disappoint! Try a lemon square, if you ever visit.

Of all of the sights CJ and I have seen so far in 3 years (well, 4 years for me) of visiting Barbados, this one has to be my favourite. Thanks in no small part to Wilbert and Martin, our knowledgeable and charming tour guides.

If you ever are in Barbados (and I hope you get the chance to visit), I recommend a trip to George Washington House.

Rock on,

The WB

Barbados 2019

On February 17, 2019 By Widow BadassIn Good Times, See the Beauty, The Great Outdoors20 Comments

After a few short days back in frozen Ontario from delightful Vancouver Island (here and here), I was once again boarding a plane – this time for Barbados!

Mizz J pointed out to me that I will be visiting 2 oceans in the same month (never likely to happen again), and I think that is pretty cool!

I don’t normally take vacations back to back like this. I would have rather been visiting Vancouver Island over the Christmas holidays. Work/staffing commitments decided this timing for me.

Anywho, once again CJ and I are in Barbados, for our annual 2 week beach vacation.

So far there has been a lot of these:

Bajan sunrise, as seen on our *de riguer* 6 am walks.

And these:

Glorious Bajan sunset – 6 pm on the dot.

And this:

Just to spice things up a bit, we decided to forgo the beach walks some mornings to head north to explore the Garrison District instead, which includes the racetrack.

Watching the horses and jockeys at practice

Entrance to grandstand. This horse and handler were just back from the morning sea bath. More on that later…

Directly across the street from the grandstand entrance. Bajan trees can hold their own with Vancouver Island’s giants.

We saw horses crossing the highway to head to the beach, so of course we followed. And we were not disappointed.

So many horses coming back from the sea, we thought maybe we had missed seeing them in the water.

Luckily, plenty of horses still at the beach, including this stunner.

This horse was playfully pawing at the water.

Yesterday we realized, after a full week of lounging on the beach (in the shade, of course!), that we had achieved peak “sluggitude”, so we decided to walk to the Barbados Museum, located behind the racetrack. We needed a dose of culture; to hell with the heat of the afternoon.

This building used to be a military prison. Couldn’t take pictures inside the museum, of course. It was filled with exhibits of all things Barbados – natural, social, cultural, and military history. Worth a visit!

After the museum, we had time to kill before the restaurant we wanted to visit opened, so some rehydration was in order.

Deadly rum punch, at the Radisson Aquatica. The bartender referred to us as “my queens”. A girl could get used to this. (Well, we did give a nice tip. 😉 )

And then it was on to dinner and dessert, at Brown Sugar.

Brown Sugar Restaurant’s specialty: Bajan Bread Pudding. Bread soaked in rum, with rum-soaked raisins, in a rum sauce. Sensing a theme here? You could light my breath on fire. I could only eat half despite its deliciousness. CJ could only eat half of her chocolate mousse cake (in background). We will enjoy the rest today!

Before we leave on Friday, we are planning a visit to this place:

Conveniently located beside the racetrack, in the Garrison District. George Washington stayed here, in his only visit outside the US. Open Monday – Friday. Don’t know much more about this other than I heard it has a delightful cafe. Also something about tunnels. I’ll let you know.

The beach is calling my name ever more loudly, so until next time…

Rock on,

The WB

Exploring Vancouver Island – Part 2: Tofino

On February 10, 2019 By Widow BadassIn Good Times, Roadtripping, See the Beauty, The Great Outdoors19 Comments

On my last full day on Vancouver Island, the three of us (Mizz J, K and I) got up early and hit the road to Tofino!

We stopped along the way at a picturesque mountain lake.

Tofino straddles the tip of a peninsula on the west coast of the Island. One side is quiet inlet.

And the other side is a paradise for surfers.

The surf at Chesterman Beach. Yes, there were many surfers in the water (2 in this photo) on Groundhog Day, February 2.

Admiring the view and soaking up the sun.

One of the many pretty shells to be found on the beach.

Both sides of Tofino are beautiful and cool.

We drove downtown and parked near this place as we just had to see what it was all about.

A large gallery featuring the works of native artist Roy Henry Vickers. Loved his stuff. Someday I will be back and buy a print or twelve… 🙂

We also visited a series of stores, surf-related shops, and restaurants inside and just outside of the downtown. And there were flowers blooming outside! On Groundhog Day!!!

I loved the signage of this coffee shop:

I had a London Fog here and it was so. damn. good.

The wildlife at the Wildfire Grill were very assertive. The restaurant had signs up, warning people of crow thievery. They just came for us. With their buddies. (OK, so we encouraged them. Because of the novelty. We’re just the kind of people that like birds landing on our picnic table and staring at us.) Like a scene from The Birds. 🙂

We also did a short walk on the Tonquin Trail, that led to another beach.

As the day drew to a close we visited another beach – Long Beach.

And so ended our last day together (for a while). It was a glorious one, filled with sun, surf, art and togetherness.

I know I’ll be back soon for another visit.

Rock on,

The WB

Exploring Vancouver Island – Part 1: Bowser/Qualicum/Parksville Area

On February 7, 2019 By Widow BadassIn Good Times, Roadtripping, See the Beauty, The Great Outdoors30 Comments

Vancouver Island is such a beautiful, magical place. I’m going to let the pictures do the talking, mostly.

It is filled with lovely souls – such as Donna, from Retirement Reflections who generously filled me in on the Island’s wonders.

Always a treat to meet bloggers you follow in real life!

Donna and her charming husband Richard also took the time to show me a lovely walking trail between Qualicum Beach and Bowser area.

A very accessible trail designed to accommodate as many community members as possible.

One of 1,000s. A gorgeous tree on this trail.

And Donna lent me some great books to read up on Vancouver Island fun attractions, facts and figures!

I learned a lot about the history and attractions of the Island from these!

On Mizz J’s day off work, we hit the road to do some exploring.

First up: Little Qualicum Cheeseworks at Morningstar Farm. A “dairy/berry” farm, and a delight for agri-tourists, like us!

Helpful signs everywhere explaining how the farm works for us non-farmers.

Robot pushing the feed closer to the hungry cows.

Miss Thing from the maternity pen also says hi.

Potted flowers blooming outside farm store entrance. Complete with painted mandala stone. This is February 1, people! In Canada!!!

Lovely treats brought home from the farm store.

Next up was a visit to the North Island Wildlife Recovery Centre. Thanks to Donna, for telling me about this place!

It was tough to get a good shot of the many birds housed there (including eagles, hawks, and ravens) through the wire mesh of their enclosures. So here’s a resident turkey, for your viewing pleasure. 🙂

There was also a garden area, showcasing native (and some non-native) plants to be found on the Island. Seen here: oregon grape, heather, and kinnick-kinnick.

After a delightful visit, it was on to the next: Rathtrevor Beach Provincial Park, Parksville.

We were delighted to come across many bunnies on our way to the beach. They let us get quite close.

As with most places on the Island, we were in awe of the beautiful, giant trees.

After such an attraction-packed day, it was time to head back to Mizz J’s for a well-deserved soak in the hot tub.

Next stop: Tofino! Stay tuned.

Rock on,

The WB

50 Shades of Green: The Changing Seasons January 2019

On January 28, 2019 By Widow BadassIn Good Times, See the Beauty, The Great Outdoors39 Comments

Exploring the beauty of Vancouver Island with these two rascals.

I’m on Vancouver Island at the moment, visiting with Mizz J and her man, who moved here last September.

So, instead of just more of December (colder and with more snow and ice), I thought it would be nice to show what a west coast January looks like.

Well, it’s kinda GREEN. Here’s some shots of Cathedral Grove, which we visited on Saturday.

On the short trail around Cathedral Grove

Nothing to see here. Just another damn tree hugger. Just kidding. K volunteered to be used for size reference. He’s over 6 feet tall.

Crystal clear mountain-stream fed waters

After Cathedral Grove, we went to Englishman River Falls.

Upper Falls. Once again, K volunteered to stand near for size reference. Better him than me!

The lushness of green growth on the Island

Yesterday we went to the Medicine Bowls, near Courtenay.

Water rushing down the road to the Bowls

Can confirm. The rocks were super slippery. I was pretty uncomfortable since I couldn’t trust my footing. It was slow and careful going.

Lower bowl. Apparently people swim (and some die!) here in warmer weather.

When the sun went down, it was time to meet up with K’s mom and stepdad at Royston Towne Pub (“The Roy”), where they were hosting open mic night.

K’s mom and stepdad. Wonderful musicians. So talented.

Unleashing the Kraken and getting in shape for all the rum punches to come in Barbados. 😉

The best reason to be on Vancouver Island in January or any time.

The Changing Seasons is a monthly photo challenge, hosted by Su Leslie at Zimmerbitch. Go check her beautiful blog out!

Rock on,

The WB

You Better Work (unless sick; then You Better Stay Home)

On January 10, 2019 By Widow BadassIn Hmmm?22 Comments

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vw9LOrHU8JI

Sick! That’s how I started off my 2019. As opposed to Sickening.

One of my goals was to take 10,000 steps per day every day in 2019. I don’t think I have even taken 10K steps, YET!

It started already on December 31, with a headache that just wouldn’t die, and swollen neck glands. I was determined to tough it out. But instead I got sicker each day, until I just let the flu virus have its way with me. So I stayed home and kept my germs to myself (as we should always do). If I couldn’t thwart the evil bug any other way, I was determined that THIS ENDS WITH ME.

During my self-imposed isolation from humanity, I kept myself amused by catching up on RuPaul’s Drag Race on Netflix, between naps and coughing and sneezing and shuffling to the kitchen for drugs and more drugs. I had watched Season 1 way back when and then Season 8 last year, and had a lot of catching up to do, obviously. I found when I was watching Season 8 that I was getting quite frustrated and pissy. It was like joining a new group (with its own language) and not getting any of the in-jokes. Heck, I couldn’t even determine WHAT they were saying, half the time. Let alone what they meant by it. I felt like an outsider.

However, now I am pleased to report that I have earned my certificate in Drag-ology. Yep, this past week and a half has been like going to Drag Immersion School. There are still a few terms I am not 100% clear on the meaning of, but I am sure they are probably dirty. Yes, because I have learned that drag queens are mostly dirty shady, sickening, fierce lady-boys.

I could listen to Alyssa Edwards give commentary all day. Don’t judge. (Also, I believe the correct quote is “Look how fucking orange you look, girl.”)

But watching them gives me life so I don’t really mind.

Just so you don’t think I was totally lazy while ill, I was also determinedly growing in my eyebrows. It was and continues to be exhausting. Constantly using your left hand to slap the tweezers out of your right hand is SO. VERY. TIRING. Ugh.

Perhaps I should just do this instead: