NaBloPoMo 2017 Finito…and Next Steps

On November 30, 2017November 30, 2017 By Widow BadassIn Blogging, Goals & Dreams, NaBloPoMo8 Comments

Not a word of a lie – some nights were like this as I tried to hammer out a post to publish the next morning.

Survived another one! That makes 2 NaBloPoMos and 3 A2Z Challenges under mah belt, so far!

Whenever I do one of these challenges, I end up asking myself why I don’t come up with a more regular blogging schedule since I can obviously commit to go the distance.

And every time I do one of these, I find some great fellow bloggers to follow and I fall in love with my blog all over again.

Some bloggers will be heading right into Blogmas, starting tomorrow. I considered this, for about 5 seconds. Until I remembered I’m kinda not into Christmas enough to blog about it for 25 days straight.

Unless people want to read 25 semi-ranty posts about the commercialism of Christmas and how it slowly but surely killed my spirit. Could be my niche, ya know?

Instead I’m going to spend at least some of December doing my favourite activity for this month – reviewing 2017, and goal-setting and planning for 2018 (and beyond).

Some of those goals will be for Ye Olde Blogge. I am thinking of committing to at least one post per week for 2018. So that’s 52 posts (plus A2Z and NaBloPoMo). And I am going to draft some sort of plan for the blog as well – you know, like a business plan except without the money-making part…’cos I don’t think I want to go down that road at this point (if ever).

Right now my blog is like Seinfeld. It’s a blog about…nothing. Because I post about almost everything that I’m thinking about or doing.

And I think about a LOT. OF. STUFF. And I try to do a LOT. OF. STUFF.

Maybe that will change, but ~~I highly doubt it~~ probably not.

To all those that succeeded with posting every day in November for NaBloPoMo 2017, congratulations!

To all those that attempted the challenge but didn’t manage to post every day in November, you still lapped those bloggers that didn’t even try, so congratulations to you too!

Rock on,

The WB

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Throwback Thursday – Invisalign Update

On November 23, 2017 By Widow BadassIn Goals & Dreams, NaBloPoMoLeave a comment

I’ve been unhappy with my smile for a long, long time. I never used to think about my teeth, except to check if I had a piece of spinach stuck in them. I never wanted a movie star smile. My teeth were good enough for me.

But then the dentist noticed evidence that I was clenching and grinding my teeth – in my sleep apparently, because I don’t do it when awake. And this started shifting my teeth around. My teeth were slanting in, and jockeying for position in front of or behind each other.

And by 2013 at least (can’t remember the exact date), I started being unhappy with what I saw in the mirror or in photos. Like this one, taken when JD and I were at Pebble Beach, California on that last (work combined with pleasure) trip shortly before he died:

Dems crooked teeth. And that’s supposed to be a smile. But the brightness of the day is making it look like a grimace instead.

I tried not to think about it. I tried to tell myself I was OK with my teeth. I tried to tell myself I was too old to be worrying about how my teeth looked anymore. Then, out on a walk, I took this selfie last December:

This is the photo that sent me on the Invisalign journey, finally.

I realized I was never going to be able to talk myself into being happy with my crooked teeth. And they were only going to get worse, the older I got. So I headed to my kid’s orthodontist in January. After all, he did a great job on her teeth. Behold:

Look at that smile! With Mom, on the day of Me Too’s wedding at Chez Badass: July 31, 2015. (Mom’s fuzzy head is her hair starting to grow back after her final, fruitless bout with chemo. She passed away on December 18, 2015.)

When I came back from Barbados in February, I picked up my trays and began the process of shifting my teeth into new positions.

It hasn’t been that bad – not at all. I’m so used to managing meals and my life around Invisalign now, it’s going to feel weird not to be wearing them. Because I’m starting my last tray today before we go into what Dr. Brian says is the “refinement” phase. So the end is in sight!

Here’s a photo of the progress made by August:

Whoa…that’s better! The bumps you see on my teeth are the “mounts” to help hold the Invisalign trays in place. They will be removed when the process is over.

I am beyond thrilled with the results so far. I have no idea what more “refinements” need to be made. But I will leave that up to the orthodontist. He’s the tooth artiste, not me. Stay tuned for the final smile reveal, coming soon!

Rock on,

The WB

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Mindful Monday – the Zafu

On November 13, 2017 By Widow BadassIn Goals & Dreams, Mindfulness, NaBloPoMo6 Comments

I’m shaking off the blog frustrations plaguing me lately and I’m going to try something new on ye old blogge – a theme for one day of the week: Mindful Mondays.

Each Monday I am going to post about something related to introducing more mindfulness into my life. I’ve been fascinated by (and dabbled in) Buddhist thinking and practice since I was first introduced to it in Writing Down the Bones, by Natalie Goldberg, way back in the early nineties. Reading Robert Wright’s Why Buddhism is True: The Science and Philosophy of Enlightenment reminded me recently of all that just “clicks” for me about this philosophy.

And I promise not to get all preachy about it, like I just turned raw vegan or something. That’s not really my style. This is more my style:

Initially I balked at the idea of having to BUY something with which to sit still and empty my mind, but after a couple of painful attempts at meditating last week, I reconsidered my stance.

I found this cushion on Amazon.ca and both the price and the reviews were fantastic. I am absolutely thrilled with my buckwheat-filled zafu.

It’s still hard AF to quiet my mind, but at least my hips, legs, and back aren’t yelling at me the whole time. I could sit for a whole 10 minutes this morning. Baby steps, people, baby steps!

Rock on,

The WB

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The Vipassana Dream is Reawakened

On November 7, 2017 By Widow BadassIn Goals & Dreams, Hmmm?, NaBloPoMo5 Comments

You know how sometimes you come across a thought or an idea and it’s something you became intensely interested in at one point but then completely forgot about and now you are even more enamoured of it and you wonder how you could have ever let it drop in the first place? Yeah? Me too.

A couple of years ago, my then massage therapist told me of a silent meditation retreat about 2 hours north of Chez Badass, called Vipassana. I was intrigued and looked it up. And I kept returning to the site and tried to imagine partaking.

10 days without speaking
10 days of eating only 2 vegetarian meals per day
10 days without reading or writing or being connected to the web
10 days of being alone with your thoughts

Number 3 freaked me out the most, I will confess – followed closely by Number 2. For whatever reason(s) – probably because I was neck-deep in home renovations and MBA shit at the time – I dropped the idea and it was forgotten.

Fast forward to today: I am in the middle of reading an excellent book, called Why Buddhism is True: The Science and Philosophy of Enlightenment, by Robert Wright. (You had me at science, Bob.)

And guess what, ol’ Bob here is all about the Vipassana Retreat! The dream has been re-awakened!

I’m no longer as concerned about items 2 and 3. I think I can handle it, she writes with more confidence than she actually feels.

I have added another concern to the list, though:

5. 10 days of sitting on a cushion on the floor for hours at a time.

Last night I tried meditating – cross-legged on my bed – for five – only five – minutes, and my body complained LOUDLY the whole damn time. Who knew you had to get into shape to sit still? Hehehehe.

Realizing my Vipassana dream is still a few years away, I have decided. I don’t think it is something I will apply for before retirement from work. But I know now that it is something I WILL do.

Rock on,

The WB

Z is for Zen – Preparing for a Badass Retirement #AtoZChallenge

On April 30, 2017April 30, 2017 By Widow BadassIn A2Z Challenge Post, Goals & Dreams, Retirement1 Comment

Housekeeping: Despite deleting a suspicious plug-in and working with Bluehost to try and fix things, some people are still having trouble commenting on the blog. Thank you for keeping me informed about this problem! I am going to try changing my blog’s theme next, to see if that helps. Some spam is getting through again, as well as some comments but why things are not “normal”, I have no idea! No other blogger seems to be reporting this problem (that I can find) so I continue to be stumped but will keep looking for solutions. It will be a case of trial and (much) error I fear, and I thank you for continuing to read, and especially for your patience.

The informal meaning of the word “Zen” is “relaxed and not worrying about things you cannot change“.

Since I believe that my retirement is almost totally within my ability to change at this point, it’s probably not the right word to describe how I am feeling about things at the end of this blogging challenge.

But I can’t think of a better word – especially a Z word – for today, so Zen it is.

By taking this month to explore, in my mind and on ye olde blogge, my thoughts, feelings, goals and dreams about retiring I am more at peace about it.

I’ve opened all the closet doors and exposed my inner bogeymen to the light while focusing on my April theme. They’re still very much there (fears of do I have enough money and/or time left to fulfill my retirement dreams mainly – especially the latter one) but they are diminished in size. I’ve acknowledged their existence to myself and decided not to let fear rule my decision making at this time.

I have a clearer picture of the type of retirement I would like to enjoy and feel confident it is do-able. As well, I am confident that I have enough resources – specifically: personal resiliency/adaptability – to deal with the unexpected.

I also feel that if suddenly something (Health, I am looking at you!) changed and I had to take retirement before I was really ready, I would be more informed and prepared than I was a month ago.

For a short while during this month, I was visualizing and mentally preparing for retiring as early as age 60. That’s a little over 2 years away. Having “loved/lived the idea for 15 minutes”, now I am not so sure I’ll be ready by then.

There’s more work I would like to do on my building and right now that is more important to me. Investing in the property has an impact on my retirement plan. As of today, I am willing to work longer in order to make those improvements happen.

I think I will still retire earlier than 65 and hope that when I do, it will be as totally badass as I envision. I’ll be doing everything within my power to make sure that happens.

Thanks for following this challenge (and my first posting series!) this month. We now return to our regular programming…

Rock on,

The WB

Y is for Yearning – Preparing for a Badass Retirement #AtoZChallenge

On April 29, 2017April 29, 2017 By Widow BadassIn A2Z Challenge Post, Goals & Dreams, Retirement2 Comments

Y is for Yearning for a Badass Retirement

Yesterday one of my colleagues retired from my work, after 20 years spent with the organization. She is only 52. One of the post-work goals she shared with us at her party was that she and her husband are going to tour the States, visiting NFL stadiums (and taking in games, I presume). Not something I would ever want to spend my time on, but hey…different strokes for different folks, right?

I had thought that seeing Diane off would have stirred even more yearnings for retirement in my soul than I already have, but surprisingly it didn’t. During this month of researching and writing posts about quitting work for good, I have had so many conflicting feelings about the subject, particularly when. And I am no closer to knowing “when” now than I was back in March.

What I am sure of is this: my yearnings for breaking the (golden) shackles of work are related mainly to not having enough time (or yet, money) to pursue my true “Dabbler” nature. I do love my work but it takes a lot of my energy, especially right now. And that leaves very little left over for other pursuits. And so my yearnings for retirement increase during these times, often dramatically.

I have this painting hanging over my iMac. I gaze at it often, as I am doing right now. It is a wedding gift from JD’s cousin’s husband, a talented painter of landscapes.

I can lose myself easily in this painting. I am walking down that northern lane and taking in the beauty of where I am on the path, and anticipating the beautiful views to come, just around the bend.

For me this symbolizes my yearnings for retirement (and more free time for indulging my dabbling). I love where I am now, but also can’t wait to continue the journey and see what’s around the corner.*

Rock on,

The WB

*One of pluses of reaching this age is the ability to hold opposite and conflicting thoughts in one’s brain and finding that completely natural and normal.

X is for Marking the Spot – Preparing for a Badass Retirement #AtoZChallenge

On April 28, 2017 By Widow BadassIn A2Z Challenge Post, Goals & Dreams, RetirementLeave a comment

X marks the spot on the calendar for quitting work and starting retirement.

Which has not been marked yet – at least, not on any of my calendars!

I did receive my personal code in the mail and have been able to set up my My Service Canada account. I know what I would receive per month if I turned 65 today and what I will receive if I retire at 60, and start my life as an OAP. And I can get a number for any time in between those 5 years. So that is settled!

But instead of being more certain of when I will want to retire as I progress through my theme for this challenge, I find the opposite has happened. For now, I am doubtful I will retire as early as 60. I do think I will want to work a little longer in order to hit certain financial goals, and that’s OK with me.

After all I do enjoy my work, and I am feeling more confident of being able to realize a long, healthy life. Because of this:

A few weeks back, I went again to the neurologist investigating my TIAs of last year, written about here and here. His office called me in for a follow-up. I really like this guy. He seems straight up and kinda cool. Very humble, soft-spoken and has this grey, hippy-ish, mullet-ish, uncontrolled hair. A very wool socks and Birks kind of a guy. Very un-neurologist.

Because I value his opinion, I asked him to tell me frankly – if he was me, knowing what he knows about strokes and risk and having the same medical history as me – how would this affect his decision-making regarding the rest of his life?

He gave it some thought and said “You want to know about your risk, right?” Then he told me that I was probably at lower risk than the general population with respect to having a future stroke, since I had been “caught” and was now on preventative medication.

That made me feel a whole lot better about my prospects and also about having to pop these damn pills daily.

So I am feeling more relaxed about these things and about time in general.

My X will mark the spot sometime between 60 and 65. That is all I ~~think~~ know for now, and that’s OK.

Rock on,

The WB

Q is for Quests – Preparing for a Badass Retirement #AtoZChallenge

On April 20, 2017April 21, 2017 By Widow BadassIn A2Z Challenge Post, Goals & Dreams, Retirement, Roadtripping2 Comments

A quest is a long search for something that is difficult to find. It is also the basis of many a good story – at least the ones I liked growing up (and still like!).

Stories like The Hobbit, and Lord of the Rings, Alice in Wonderland, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, The Talisman etc., etc.

When I put on my knapsack and lace up my hiking boots, I like to imagine this is the start of a grand quest. That I could just keep going and going until I am in some foreign place – far from home but fragrant with adventure and possibility.

I have to laugh to myself when I have these thoughts. Coming from the same woman who, on the day of a long-planned and desired vacation, picks up her suitcase and looks around her cozy home and wonders why she is leaving it; why she thought taking this trip was a good idea. Not that it has ever stopped me. I get on the plane and I have a fabulous time and I never think those thoughts again…until leaving day of the next trip.

Does anyone else have these thoughts, I wonder?

Despite these conflicting thoughts, I am planning some quests for my retirement. Hopefully not overly long or difficult searches, but quests all the same. Like to quest to travel the length of Route 66. Cross Canada by car or train. Explore the Florida Keys. And the low country of South Carolina. Basically visit the places I have been reading about in books for years.

I don’t know what I am searching for, exactly.

But isn’t the idea of a going on a quest exciting enough in itself?

Rock on,

The WB

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P is for Pets – Preparing for a Badass Retirement #AtoZChallenge

On April 19, 2017April 19, 2017 By Widow BadassIn A2Z Challenge Post, Adventures with dogs, Goals & Dreams, Retirement2 Comments

Ever since my Lucy died, I have been confident that I will get another puppy. But that I will wait until retirement to do so. When I will have the time to devote to raising a small pup in the right way – training it and exposing it to all that it needs to process during those crucial early months…in order to develop into a well-rounded, confident companion.

The Indomitable Lucy – old and sick in this picture, but still the gold standard to be met for the next dog

But lately I am wondering when exactly during my retirement will I get another pet? Perhaps not right away. Perhaps I will wait until I am a bit older, and have tamped down my wanderlust a bit. Perhaps I will wait until I move to a more suitable property to keep a dog than my current one. Perhaps then I will get multiple dogs, like Me Too and Mrs. Me Too. Who knows?

I vacillate between obsessively stalking Mini-Schnauzer breeder websites (and thinking that I can’t wait until I retire), and thinking I should wait until I am in my 70s and (perhaps?) more house-bound.

What I want is another Lucy and there are no guarantees of that. I think that means I am not yet over her, and ready to bring another wonderful dog into my life.

Rock on,

The WB

M is for Money – Preparing for a Badass Retirement #AtoZChallenge

On April 15, 2017April 15, 2017 By Widow BadassIn A2Z Challenge Post, Goals & Dreams, RetirementLeave a comment

The biggest worry for me (as for most people) when it comes to retirement is THE MONEY. What is enough? Will I outlive my money? What if something unplanned happens that sucks it all up?

Every financial website has a retirement calculator. I used the one from my bank just today:

https://tools.td.com/retirement-calculator/

I like that it allows you to play around with the numbers to see how that changes the outcome. For example, if I want to live on 45K/year in my “golden years” instead of 60K, I need a whole lot less money squirrelled away. (Even 45K seems somewhat extravagant for my particular lifestyle/circumstances so early retirement is looking more and more promising.)

One thing I have learned from my mother’s retirement is that you don’t need the whack load of money most financial planners say you do. Mom certainly did not have anywhere near the money they advise you to have in her savings and her second husband had even less. Yet, they still were able to do all the things they wanted to do. They lived comfortably yet modestly all their working lives and continued to do so in retirement. They were able to travel and indulge their love of camping and Mom’s (in particular) passion for computers and electronic gadgets. Mom had both a MacBook and an iPad long before I could afford one!

And Mom still left (lots of…too much) money to us kids when she died, at age 79. In fact, she had trouble using up all the bucks she had to withdraw from her RRIF every year and used to hand out cheques to her family every once in a while “because she wanted to see us enjoy the money while she still lived”.

This article echoes a lot of my same thoughts on this subject:

http://www.moneysense.ca/save/retirement/how-much-money-you-need-to-retire/

As I continue to gather data on what I need to live, research how I want to live, and talk to my own financial advisor about retirement (early or not) I am becoming – dare I say it – relaxed about eventually giving up my paycheque. My biggest worry is rapidly being whittled down to a more manageable size.

Rock on,

The WB