When am I going to grow up?

On July 17, 2017September 3, 2017 By Widow BadassIn Badassery, Good Times, Hmmm?8 Comments

A former spouse of mine once infamously asked me that question.

Back in the late 90s, I had told him that we should take the kids to a music festival together (Edgefest, in Barrie) for the day. The lineup was awesome, and I thought it would be a great opportunity to show the kids what an outdoor rock concert was all about and how to do it safely and enjoyably. They were excited, as there were many groups/artists they liked; I was excited as there were many groups/artists I also liked. But he pooh-poohed all over the idea. He didn’t want to go. And he didn’t want us to go either. I said that’s too bad – we’d love it if you came too, but we were going, regardless. He then asked me when I was going to GROW UP and stop wanting to do “THIS SHIT”. Well, hello? I thought he had enjoyed going to concerts with me.

He ended up going, grudgingly – only because there was no way he wanted me to be having any kind of fun without him. (If only he knew how much fun the kids and I had when he left us alone to go up north to see his family for a few days!)

By the end of the summer, I had found a townhouse and was moving out, thus ending our 17 year marriage. Not because of this one stupid comment, obviously…but it speaks volumes about why we were no longer suited to be together.

I have been in love with music since I was a babe in arms. My mom told me when she took me to church as an infant tears would stream down my face whenever I heard the organ play. I asked her why and she said, it seemed to her that I was feeling the music on a visceral level, and it had moved me to weep.

Which is pretty cool – and you’d think a kid like that would be a natural musician – but no. I must have been standing behind the door when the Mystery was handing out musical talent ‘cos I got none.

But what I do have is a major love of music and attending live shows. However, as I am getting older it is getting harder to find people (in my demographic) to attend these shows with me. Especially as I continue to listen to and enjoy new and emerging artists, as well as those I grew up with.

My usual concert buddy – my daughter, Mizz J – is in British Columbia this summer – so what’s a badass widow to do, when there are so many great concerts happening all around me?

As much as it is not my preference, I am going to a 3 day outdoor music festival on my own:

Elora Riverfest 2017 Lineup. So excited!

I just have to go, even though I will be going solo. I learned my lesson from missing WayHome last year. There were at least 16 acts I wanted to see but I couldn’t find anyone to go with me. So I missed them all. Never again.

So this got me to thinking: how many major bands/artists have I seen over the years, since I was a teenager? I tried to write them all down.

I feel like I am missing a few, and a few major ones too. Well, I did come of age in the 70s after all.

I’m going to keep a few pages blank so I can keep adding to the list.

So, I guess I am never going to grow up. Sorry, Husband #1. (Not sorry).

I still see people at these shows who look even older than me, so there is that. Trust me, I look. I am not the only one still doing “this shit”.

Rock on,

The WB

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At Odds with My Blog; Georgia O’Keeffe Saves My Day

On June 25, 2017July 18, 2017 By Widow BadassIn Hmmm?, See the Beauty4 Comments

Dear Blog,

You know I’m mad at you, right?

First of all, for making it hard (if not impossible) for people to comment.

Secondly – and this is new – now you are making it damn hard to post pictures. Correction: it is still easy to post pictures. It is hard to post pictures that haven’t been cropped by you dear Bloggie, such that people’s heads and more are missing.

I’m going to have to change my blogs’ theme again, or maybe learn some damn code so I can try to address all these problems I have been having with YOU lately.

In the meantime, I am doing other, easier shit with my free time than get my blood pressure up trying to figure out what the hell went wrong with you, Blog.

Today Mizz J and I went to the Big Smoke to see the Georgia O’Keeffe exhibition at the Art Gallery of Ontario. Picture taking was verboten but here (fingers crossed) is a picture of the art book I purchased afterwards, at ye olde gift shoppe:

Most of my picture of the book I bought. GRRRR!

Once again, dear Bloggie, you have taken it upon yourself to crop my picture even further than I had done so before I uploaded it. ARGH.

Anyways, I am not going to spend any more time on this.

What I really want to say about this exhibit is that I LOVED getting up close and personal with the paintings. I generally always do but today especially so. And here’s why.

I saw the artist’s pencil sketching on the canvas that didn’t get completely covered up the layers of paint applied (Red Poppies). I saw the tiny triangle of bare canvas in the painting where the artist didn’t quite fill in the design (Jimson Flower) where 2 colours met. I saw where the artist tried to refine the edge of the stem by painting a lighter colour over dark green and the green of the oopsie was still apparent underneath (Cala Lily).

It was wonderful to see all the little errors because it gives me freedom and permission to not be perfect either. If it’s good enough for Georgia O’Keeffe and the entire art world, well….

Rock on,

The WB

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Father’s Day Remembrance of My Dad

On June 18, 2017June 18, 2017 By Widow BadassIn Hmmm?5 Comments

Dad changing weeks-old me. I feel like there has got to be a “stubby” (old-style beer bottle) somewhere, just out of camera range. Photo taken sometime in August 1959.

My dad has been gone for I think about 20 years now. He tried to be a good dad despite the deck being stacked against him but his demons got the better of him, especially in later years. The rest of the family experienced the brunt of this as I was already out of the house when his drinking got bad. I only witnessed snippets of what my sisters and my mom had to endure, and that was awful.

The dad of my childhood was my shining star – patient, loving, just, wise and good. The dad of my teen and adult years was prejudiced against others; domineering; tortured; addicted to food, coffee, booze and cigarettes; and often downright scary. He was the poster child for a hurtin’ unit. And boy, did he know how to hurt others – especially my mom and sisters; especially when he drank. How did he lose his way so badly?

I know he witnessed things during the German occupation of the Netherlands in World War II that no human, let alone a child, should ever have seen. He lost his own dad while he was very young and then his mom remarried and this changed his life forever in so many ways. But Dad never talked about his demons and he hated to admit any weakness or that he needed help. He lived a life of denial.

I loved him and it broke my heart when I grew older and realized he was not the dad I thought he was and that we didn’t even share the same values anymore. Did we ever? We must have, or how did I come to value honesty, hard work, helping those in need, being accepting of others, and keeping an open mind? It didn’t just come from Mom. My childhood self remembers that Daddy instilled these values in me too.

I could see the dad of my childhood return when he interacted with my kids. He started to calm down a bit once he retired from full-time work. He stopped smoking and seemed more at peace, at least on the surface. But then he died suddenly of a heart attack at 63 – the result of years of abusing his body and genetic predisposition.

Now – with what I have learned by this age about human nature and failings – I often wish Dad was still around, so I could talk to him about what was eating him up inside…and show him compassion and love…and forgiveness for the deep hurts he inflicted on his family.

But that will never happen. And now and forever, I will never really know him.

Rock on,

The WB

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My Decorating Style can be Described as Pornographic, Apparently

On June 5, 2017 By Widow BadassIn Hmmm?, Home Improvement13 Comments

How’s that for a click-baity title, huh?

I have a day-bed in my home office. It makes a handy space for naps or reading or for when I have a houseful of stay-overnight guests.

I found some cute throw pillows at Homesense one day. I loved the designs and the colours so much they came right home with me. Behold:

Colourful, comfortable, and inviting, no?

Mizz J was studying on the day bed one day last week. Oh boy, was she studying…the pillows.

Mizz J: Mom, did you look at these pillows before you bought them?

Me: Of course! You know how much I love colour and mandala designs!

Mizz J: Did you look closely at them?

Me: Why?

Mizz J: Take a closer look.

Me: OK.

Me: OK, yeah. I ‘m looking but what am I supposed to be looking at?

Mizz J: Look closer. Much closer.

Mizz J points to a part of the design.

Me: Huh? What the…!!! OH MY!!!

Cut to Mizz J killing herself laughing at her ol’ mom’s realization of the not-so-hidden design on her pillows.

Hope this post made you laugh as much as I did when I discovered my pillow…er…porn.

Rock on,

The WB

W is for Wealth – Preparing for a Badass Retirement #AtoZChallenge

On April 27, 2017April 28, 2017 By Widow BadassIn A2Z Challenge Post, Hmmm?, Retirement2 Comments

W is for Wealth but Wealth is more than just money

For me, money is just a small (but important!) part of being “wealthy”.

Even though I wonder if I have enough in savings yet for when I am ready to retire, I feel incredibly wealthy just the same.

Traditionally, definitions of wealth describe it as an “abundance of material possessions or money”.

The Widow Badass definition describes wealth as an “abundance of needs being met”.

These needs include:

healthy, loving relationships
physical health
intellectual stimulation
creature comforts, including a cozy home
feeling safe
feeling valued
(no consumer debt and) spare cash in the bank

I know some so-called rich people who are actually quite poor by my definition because certain needs are not being met.

And I know some average or low-income people who possess wealth beyond measure because they have everything BUT a lot of extra dough to throw around.

The key, I think, is recognizing and paying attention to your wealth, otherwise known as “counting your blessings”.

What does it matter how much abundance you possess, if you are too blind to recognize and value it?

Rock on,

The WB

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V is for Vacation – Preparing for a Badass Retirement #AtoZChallenge

On April 26, 2017April 26, 2017 By Widow BadassIn A2Z Challenge Post, Hmmm?, Retirement6 Comments

I had this funny idea when I first started exploring my thinking about retirement. That once you were retired, vacations were…well…redundant. I mean…every day was now gonna be a Vacation (from work) Day, right?*

Not surprising since I am still fully in harness, so to speak. I use my allotted “Sick Days” when ill and “Vacation Days” for other days I need away from work – whether actually going anywhere or not.

Many has been the Vacation Day taken for finishing an assignment for school, helping out my mom and stepdad, or ~~responding to a renovation or other crisis at~~ doing some other mid-week chores for Chez Badass! In my defence, it is no small wonder that I think this way about vacation. Turns out I have been doing it wrong for most of my working life.

Merriam-Webster defines vacation as “a period spent away from home or business in travel or recreation”. It says nothing about having to be employed in order to be able to use the word. Or finishing papers for your Masters degree. Ahem.

Seems to me that most of my life I have been using a good part of my allotted Vacation Days in the pursuit of things that are definitely NOT “vacation”. No “travel” and definitely no “recreation” occurred on these days. But I digress…

I don’t know if I can express to you how looking up this definition has expanded my mind not only about vacation but also about retirement. But I’m gonna try.

Instead of thinking of retirement as merely “not working”, this has caused me to see retirement in a new light…that it is an occupation in its own right, however you choose to define it or spend your time.

Therefore, why wouldn’t you still call a trip away “a vacation” from your retired life?!

Mind. Blown.

Rock on,

The WB

*Please tell me I am not alone in this ~~misguided~~ thinking.

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U is for Understanding – Preparing for a Badass Retirement #AtoZChallenge

On April 25, 2017 By Widow BadassIn A2Z Challenge Post, Hmmm?, RetirementLeave a comment

Warning: Italics-heavy post ahead. 😉

You know what? When I started this challenge I had figured that by now I would have a much clearer understanding of what my thoughts, feelings and especially direction in retirement would be.

Hah! Far from it.

I’m still not even sure when I’m going to pull the plug on my steady paycheque. It might be as soon as 60 but then again…I might not feel financially comfortable or otherwise ready then.

I do have a sort of “magic” number in my head, that I would like to see to see in my RRSPs (registered retirement savings plan), and another magic number that I would like to see in my TFSA (tax-free savings account) before I stop being employed.

I would also like to see the demand loan on my building (what I call my “mortgage” except it’s not one, really) knocked down as much as possible before my paycheques end. Especially if I am going to be staying on here – at the current Chez Badass – for a while yet, instead of living the lakeside dream. I do not want to be caught tenant-less at some point in the future and be having to pony up the (hefty) commercial property tax bill PLUS the loan money every month with no rent AND paycheque coming in to help cover it.

It would drain me in an awful big hurry. I would feel compelled to find work again. Which is not to say I won’t ever want to work for pay again in my retirement years…I just don’t want to ever feel I have to do so, if I can help it.

What I have gained an understanding of is this: I want maximum possibilities to be able to explore in my retirement.

I understand I don’t want to hear the word “No” for the relatively modest (but extravagant for me) post-work life I have envisioned of yearly winter escapes and other occasional explorations abroad, North American road-trips (with a funky trailer or hippy van), hiking, art, and whatever else takes my interest as I progress through this thing called the rest of my life.

And I understand now that I have an over-arching goal for my money. Whereas for the past three years (and first time in my life!) I have been thoroughly enjoying spending my free (and borrowed) cash on whatever the WB wants*, now I am exploring how little I can live on and how much more I can squirrel away for future freedom.

You know what, maybe I have gained the most important understanding about retirement of all. I do have choices and I can create the type of retirement that I envision with proper planning and a little luck. It just needs me to continue on with the inner and outer information-gathering. (I admit it was a little ambitious of me to think I would have it all sorted out within the 26 days of this challenge…)

Life is a journey and retirement is not the end. It is the continuation and hopefully one of the better parts of the journey.

Rock on,

The WB

*And by whatever the WB wants, I mean things like cleaning up a lifetime of my late husband’s hoarding; replacing knob and tube wiring and a heating/cooling system, plumbing and roofing; installing solar panels to generate income; creating a functioning home including new kitchen, laundry and bath; getting dining room furniture, putting curtains (finally!) on the windows, refinishing beat-up furniture left to me; treating myself to a new mattress/bedding; and many more mundane home-establishing type things, too numerous to mention. Oh yeah, and the occasional cheap holiday. And kick-ass boots. You know, real Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous -type stuff…hehehe!

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T is for Teaching – Preparing for a Badass Retirement #AtoZChallenge

On April 24, 2017 By Widow BadassIn A2Z Challenge Post, Go Back to School, Hmmm?, RetirementLeave a comment

I have been heard to say (loudly and vehemently) that now that I was done with my MBA, you would never find me in school again. Unless it was for a totally fun class, like say quilting or watercolour painting.

But what if I went back – not as a student – but as a teacher?

I do have a Bachelor of Education in Adult Education degree as well as a Science degree – pursued and achieved because at one point in my career I was put in charge of training at a large (125+ souls) laboratory. That was a lot of responsibility and I felt I needed some “training” myself, so as to do the best job possible. Turns out it was only for a brief time period because part-way through my studies, I took the opportunity to join my current employer. I still completed my schooling and the degree, but never got to use it in the way I had envisioned…

My dad worked part-time as a teacher after he retired. He taught a course prepping aspiring millwrights to take their exam, at his local community college. He loved it.

I could see myself doing something similar, when I retire. Whether for a fun or serious course…I do know how to put a course together and deliver it.

And, I do have a career’s worth of knowledge to share.

And, if I created an online course (an introvert’s dream!), I could do it from anywhere I happened to be at the moment.

Hmmmm….

Rock on,

The WB

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R is for Renaissance Women – Preparing for a Badass Retirement #AtoZChallenge

On April 21, 2017December 1, 2017 By Widow BadassIn A2Z Challenge Post, Hmmm?, Retirement3 Comments

I found out something yesterday. While surfing around the web while stuck at my car dealership (Edward II was in getting his snow tires replaced with summer tires), I came across a website called Puttylike and took a quiz to learn I am a (simultaneous) multipotentialite.

Which is just another way of saying “Renaissance Woman“, something I have jokingly referred to myself as aspiring to be, over the years. Something I can really go crazy with, during retirement! All those extra hours in a day…bwahahahaha!

I always knew I was interested in many different things. I had a professor in university (way back when, while pursuing my first degree) tell me I was a “Dabbler” vs. a “Digger”, but that it was nothing to be worried about.

This was unsolicited advice and I can’t for the life of me remember how I got drawn into this conversation with Dr. Whats-His-Name (Mayfield, maybe?) and several other students in the corridor of the main Science building. No matter…

Diggers get the Nobel Prizes, he opined, but Dabblers have all the fun.

I think we were both inhabitants of the latter camp and his assessment of me didn’t bother me in the least. I always knew I had an insatiable curiousness about just about everything in this world, and that I could never devote my life to going the PhD route of ever-increasing specialization in JUST. ONE. THING .

Just like I can’t settle down to create a “niche” for this blog. Sure, I read all the blogs and admire the successful bloggers out there who have scads of followers and think to myself (sometimes…for a fleeting moment) what it would be like to achieve that. And then I wake up to reality and realize how bored I would be focusing (and becoming a subject matter expert) on JUST. ONE. THING.

Like cooking, fashion, home decor or renovation, travel, making money, being a mom, or…multipotentialites! See the irony there? In creating her website (and with her very popular TED talk – which I still need to find time to listen to), Emilie Wapnick has kinda boxed herself into that corner…or that is how it looks to me anyways. Creating a career around and related to helping multipotentialites is very “niche” and JUST. ONE. THING.

I haz ~~cheezburger~~ to write about ALL. THE. THINGS. that bubble up in my monkey mind.

Even focusing for 26 days on retirement and only retirement is taxing for me. I’ve been ready to move on for days now…even though I am STILL obsessed with the idea of exploring retirement and all its glorious possibilities. Hah!

So now I’m a multipotentialite? I still prefer Dabbler, thank you very much.

Rock on,

The WB

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N is for Never – Preparing for a Badass Retirement #AtoZChallenge

On April 17, 2017 By Widow BadassIn A2Z Challenge Post, Hmmm?, Retirement3 Comments

Housekeeping: Thanks to guidance from the good folks at Bluehost, I think the commenting problem is fixed. I was walked through steps to optimize my website’s database and also given a lead on what to work on next – a plugin that may not work with the latest version of WordPress is a potential villain here – if the problem persists.

Of course, when Mr. Bluehost and I tried things out so I could illustrate the problem, comments were posted no problemo no matter what browser or type of device (mobile, desktop) was used. Sigh. Anyways, fingers crossed no one has issues with leaving a comment from here on out.

And I have 5 whole comments in my Spam folder as of today so that shit is getting through again. Mr. Bluehost laughed when I complained of not even getting spam anymore – that was a first for him, he said.

Never is such a forever word. People who use it have to eat their words every once in a while.

I try to avoid it because of this, and because it limits you to possibilities.

I try instead to love a new idea or plan for at least 15 minutes. This gives me time to imagine it unfolding and fitting into my world.

Often when I love and live with an idea for 15 minutes, I realize it’s really not for me. So all I’ve lost is 15 minutes of dream-time.

But if I dismissed something without thinking it through – something that might have been an wonderful idea if I had only given it a chance – well, that would be my loss.

So what has this got to do with retirement, you might be asking by now. Nothing that doesn’t also apply to working life also! I use the 15 minute rule even more at work than I do at home, right now.

However I think that these automatic nevers and negative thinking and discounting of new ideas might come easier the older one gets, and even easier when someone is retired. It’s just a hunch I have and something I want to be aware of and avoid if possible.

So I vow to never say never. 😉

Except for how I feel about my life now. Because since I have been on my own: