Category: Hmmm?

Y is for…

On By Widow BadassIn Hmmm?Leave a comment

Y

…YOLO.

You. Only. Live. Once.

Somebody famous (or infamous) famously said: You only live once but if you do it right, it’s enough. Or very similar wording expressing the same sentiment. Blah blah blah…details!

The point being made that living life fully is the way to go.

For me that means being in the present moment, as much as possible. Not just going through the motions or living life on autopilot while mulling over the past or fretting about the future. Being engaged with people and the community. And saying yes… a lot.  But not so much that this happens.

Oh, the mythical Balanced Life – how it eludes me, even now! 😉

Living life right. Easier to say than to do at times.  But with practice and determination, I believe it is possible to achieve, even just momentarily.

YOLO it up everyone – and rock on,

The WB

X is for…

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X

…the lovely X-Chromosome.

I am so blessed to have been given 2 of these, making me female.

I remember as a young child becoming very frightened at the thought that I could have been born a boy instead. Followed by immense relief that I could live my life as a girl.

I can’t begin to imagine the torment that transgendered individuals go through when they realize their inner  and outer selves don’t match society’s expectations for gender. Thankfully there is beginning to be acceptance for these individuals. To live happier lives and to be able to fully express who they really are. We still have a long way to go as a society but progress is being made.

Late yesterday I found out it was Denim Day. April 27th is a day to wear denim to work in support of a woman who was told by an Italian court that her driving instructor couldn’t have raped her because she was wearing tight jeans at the time. The justice ruled that since she was wearing these jeans she had to have helped her attacker remove them so he could rape her and that meant it was consensual.

So I am wearing denim at work today with this in mind. Okay, confession time – I often wear denim as I work for an agricultural company and denim is our power suit. 😉

But today I am wearing my jeans with intent. Intent to support of all those XX (and XY too) chromosome possessors who have been – and continue to be – told that they or their actions have caused their bodies to be violated by another human being.

Wanna know who is responsible for rapes happening? Rapists. The End.

Rock on,

The WB

U is for…

On By Widow BadassIn Hmmm?4 Comments

U

…Up.

Which I am, most of the time. I find it very uncomfortable to be “down”. When I am “down” I spend a lot of time and energy trying to get back to “up” again, because that is my preferred state of being.

I think people tend to fall into either category. I have seen people who had nothing to complain about dig deep into their memories for long-past grievances to recall, so that they can be “down” again, if life happens to going a little too smoothly for their liking at the moment.

On the other hand, I can see how a person who is naturally “up” can sugar-coat or view rather rosily a tough or even appalling situation because of how uncomfortable it is to feel “down”.  Been there, done that. Earned that T-shirt.

I could never understand why someone would voluntarily bring themselves down. But maybe it is not voluntary. Are our brains hard-wired for one preference or another?

Can we change, or is this something like handedness? Sure, you can struggle to use the non-dominant hand but will always prefer the other.

If anyone reading would like to respond as to whether they consider themselves an “up” or “down” person in the comments, I think it would make for an interesting impromptu poll.

The ideal (in my mind) would be to live in the moment and see each moment clearly for what it is. Take action if required – deal with it and…

…learn the lesson and rock on,

The WB

S is for…

On By Widow BadassIn Hmmm?, I Got Married, Uncategorized2 Comments

S

…Singleton Status

Last year during this challenge I was writing about how I was never going to marry again.

That still stands. I still feel this is the best situation for me, going forward. Two tours of duty in matrimonial land have been enough for this woman.

I had dinner with a friend last night who is in the same mental boat as I am. He lost his partner 22 years ago and has never felt the need to have that kind of committed relationship again since.

In chatting over Indian food last night, we both realized we had experienced very special, deep relationships with our significant others. Once-in-a-lifetime-if-you-are-that-fortunate relationships. When you have that and then lose it through the loss of your loved one, you don’t want to settle for anything less ever again. And frankly, you don’t want to try to look for that again with anyone else.

You are complete, as is. You and your memories. And you don’t want to sully those with a subsequent sub-par relationship. It wouldn’t be fair to either of you.

It is very hard to explain to someone who has never experienced this.

I’ve had many well-meaning friends and acquaintances tell me that I will find someone again, and not to stay alone for the rest of my days. I appreciate that they think I am lonely or sad, and are thinking only of my happiness.

But I am not lonely or sad. I am happy and content. In fact, any mention of having another relationship with a man causes a real visceral experience in my body – I actually get sick to my stomach at the thought. Talk about your gut reaction!

So, I still say never and my body agrees. I’m going with my gut on this one.

Rock on,

The WB

O is for…

On By Widow BadassIn Hmmm?1 Comment

O

…Overbooked.

Last week I looked at my calendar and saw that I have to go out every night after work this week.

The old me wouldn’t have blinked an eye at this. The new me says that is way overbooked.

I like the way the new me thinks.

Now, to get the old me to stop doing this.

That is the challenge.

Challenge accepted.

Rock on,

The WB

M is for…

On By Widow BadassIn Go Back to School, Hmmm?, MBA2 Comments

M

…MBA

After 4 1/2 long grueling years, I have finally finished all of the course requirements for my Masters in Business Administration degree.

This past Wednesday, April 13, the powers that be at Athabasca University (AU) officially granted me my degree and said parchment is apparently on its way to me right now via snail mail. JD’s degree is coming to me too – shortly after his passing, AU contacted me to let me know that they would be granting his degree posthumously based on his stellar academic performance while he was alive. And to ask me to let them know when I was graduating, so that we could graduate together. Wasn’t that wonderful of them? I was very touched.

The official Convocation is going to be held in Alberta in June. I’ve already booked my flights and my hotel and rental car. To finally meet in person so many of my academic coaches, fellow graduates, and AU staff after interacting in a virtual environment for all these years is exciting, even for an introvert like me!

Before JD finagled me into this I started this journey, I had always thought that a business degree was not for me. I didn’t see myself as a “business person” at all. I saw myself as a scientist and a bit of an artist. I had some pretty strong ideas about what being in business was all about and I was having none of it.

How wrong I was about this.

My MBA studies have led to a deeper understanding of what business really is and (most importantly) can be, and has further shaped who I am and how I interact with this world. Whatever you may read or experience in the world of business, at business school there are strong underpinnings of ethics and corporate social responsibility in every subject area. Time and time again we were presented with examples of companies and business leaders that were not only financially successful but also good, thoughtful corporate citizens.

Unfortunately it is the Enrons and Chainsaw Als of this world that get most of the (bad) press. Because this is more interesting and sells more media than a little story about a little business doing good things?

Life is business and business is life. Think about this because I have, a lot. Read this next paragraph and think of yourself as a corporate entity (which you are because you literally have a body).

You have to come up with a product (yourself) that people are willing to invest in and “buy”, and market it accordingly. You have to decide how you are going to interact in this world with all of your stakeholders: your partners, suppliers, investors, customers, employees, alliances and competitors. You need to pay close attention to your financial data and set goals and targets – short, medium and long-range. You need to manage your resources effectively. You need to conduct yourself in an ethical, responsible and professional manner at all times. Some would disagree with this last statement, especially with their actions if not words but I am telling you YOU NEED TO DO THIS as a responsible, successful human being. It is your duty as a functioning member of society.

When you look at it this way, we are all business people – in the business of being humans. Who wouldn’t benefit from a business degree to help manage You, Inc?

Rock on,

The WB

J is for…

On By Widow BadassIn Hmmm?2 Comments

J

…Joie de Vivre!

I spent some time orienting a newly hired work colleague a couple of weeks ago and she told me that I had joie de vivre. No one has ever said this to me before. I had a vague idea of what this meant…I looked it up to be sure.

Yes! I do have an exuberant love of life. But it was not always this way.

Like mostly everyone, I have had sorrow and hard times in my life. And looking back, I am grateful for the lessons learned and the growth earned by persevering when times were bad.

I think this focus on gratitude is what has kept me from becoming bitter about certain periods in my life. There is always some kind of gold to be mined from every human experience. Even if the only good thing you can say is that you survived it!

And I know that things can get bad so when times are good, I want to celebrate and enjoy them to the fullest! Because neither good times nor bad times last.

Change is inevitable. You gotta roll with it.

But for now…for me…times are good! Let the good times roll, baby!

Rock on,

The WB

I is for…

On By Widow BadassIn Hmmm?, Uncategorized4 Comments

I

…Introvert.

An introvert is what I am. As I suspect a high number of people participating in this challenge are. Blogging seems like such a natural fit for an introvert.

Introverts are the new black. Hardly a week goes by that I don’t see an article expounding on the glories of introversion and how the introverts of this world make excellent friends, co-workers, employees, leaders. Go ahead. Google “Introvert” and see where it takes you.

Introverts used to be viewed as shy and socially maladjusted individuals. Now, finally the truth is out there.

We’re not shy. We. Just. Don’t. Like. You.

Kidding!

Well, not kidding actually. Chances are high if an introvert is quiet around you it’s because they have already decided you’re not worth engaging. Or they are still trying to figure out if you are worth the energy it will cost them to engage you. Because most social interactions will do that to an introvert – drain them of their energy.

I had this problem in University. A very loud (and, I thought, idiotic – she actually carried a burning cigarette into a lab where ether was being used) fellow student once loudly proclaimed in front of a group of my peers that I should sign up for assertiveness training. Because I never talked to her, I suppose.

I was baffled by this outburst as were the few classmates who actually knew me. I never asked her how she came to that conclusion because I didn’t value her opinion of me or anyone or anything, so what was the point? Besides, I was still pissed that she could have blown me up that day.

Introverts are not any better than extroverts. The world needs both types. It’s nice that introverts are finally getting their day in the sun.

Now please go back to leaving us alone. 😉

Rock on,

The WB

 

G is for…

On By Widow BadassIn Hmmm?9 Comments

G

…Gadgets!

Anyone who knows me has probably realized by now that I love gadgets.

If there is a gadget available for anything I am interested in doing, chances are high I have to have it!

I just can’t run. I have to track my runs with a Garmin Forerunner.

I just can’t walk. I have to track my steps with a FitBit.

I have an iMac, an iPhone, an iPad (mini), a MacBook Air…and an old iPod kicking around somewhere.

My kitchen is also full of gadgets including an assortment of cute tea strainers. I mostly use the prebagged variety when I make tea but for the few loose leaf teas on hand I clearly feel the need for a variety of strainers…to suit my mood? I dunno. Your guess is as good as mine as to why they continue to entice me. (Note to self: be sure to finally try out the floating rubber duckie strainer this weekend!).

The one gadget I cannot justify purchasing is a garlic press. Why I am obstinate about not cluttering up my kitchen with one of these when I have several sets of measuring spoons, 2 rice paddles, multiple silicone pot holders and oven mitts, and a plethora of bar ware for all of the cocktails I am going to make (someday!) is beyond me.

I even have 2 – not 1 – but 2 ice buckets. Matching, even! OK, to be fair the first one was picked up at Value Village and the second one was inherited.

But when it comes to dealing with garlic, smashing the bulb with a can of tomatoes from the pantry works just fine. Who’s with me on this one?

Rock on,

The WB

E is for…

On By Widow BadassIn Hmmm?4 Comments

E

…relearning about the Enjoyment of Life.

My graduate studies in Business Administration ended on February 28, but my learning journey most certainly has not!

Suddenly, on February 29th I was faced with seemingly endless hours of free time (after work, of course) compared to only the day before when I was cranking out my final 2,000 word paper. And the years before, when my free time could be counted in mere minutes per day due to the effect of JD’s OCD on our life together.

I am still in awe of – and in the process of figuring out what to do with – all of this free time. But for now, I am learning to accept that it is OK to spend as much of that free time as I choose just doing things that I enjoy. Period. Without guilt. Like a “normal” person.

The little voice in my head that says I should be doing something productive instead of “just” reading or catching up on Netflix or going for a walk in the sunshine is getting quieter and quieter. But it is still there.

So far I think my recovery is going pretty well, all things considered. I hope the voice shuts up for good soon. ‘Cos I got a whole lot of catching up to do in the Enjoyment of Life department and I’m done with feeling guilty about it.

Rock on,

The WB