Author: The Widow Badass

Part Deux

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January 16th photo:

More Glee. Finished watching entire first season. Want more. Now.

Being under the weather is a perfect time to catch up on TV, doncha think?

Well, lest you think I was a total couch spud on Saturday, I must tell you that I also (also, stupidly…see January 15th for more superhuman stupidity) walked my dog to the groomer and back. The groomer is a 1.5 hour walk from my house, along the river trail. So that was 3 hours walking total, plus 1.5 hours waiting for the dog to be groomed. Not something to be done when recovering from the total body…er…cleanse…I had just experienced two days prior. While waiting for milady, I headed up the street to a local cafe, read the paper and tried to eat some breakfast. I pocketed the bacon for Lucy – her treat for enduring the indignity of the grooming process. Once we got back to the house, both of us retreated to the couch. She didn’t get up again until it was dark. Methought I had finally wore her out.

January 17th: the new and much improved Miss Lucy.

Jan 18th photo: My mom and stepdad bought a house and are in the process of moving from their condo. On Sunday, JD and I went over to help them at the new place and my mom gave me this little porcelain statue that had belonged to my dad’s mom. People tend to want to give you stuff when they are moving, I have found. Packing up/unpacking your stuff tends to bring forth the following exclamations: Why do we have all this stuff? And: Here, do you want it? Yes, actually, I do.

Nothing special about it – your basic dollar store trinket – but my Oma loved it and I have very few things from her except memories, so it is precious to me because it was precious to her.

January 19th photo of a box on a shelf in my bedroom. It also says: Live and Love on the other sides. Cannot for the life of me remember why I wanted to take this picture. I do know I was still feeling rotten, and perhaps I needed a LAUGH!

January 20th photo: Organizing. Remember that resolution? Hmmm. Tonight I took a few moments to take all my makeup brushes from their various homes and put them all in this beautiful Queen mug. I loved this mug from the moment I saw it (black and pink and pretty writing, oh my!) but I wouldn’t buy so a friend bought it for me. I didn’t want to take it to work lest my staff and co-workers took offense (it’s OK to be boss, but QUEEN??? Really! Some people….) so it now lives in my bathroom. Proudly proclaiming my status as the Queen of my domicile.

That’s enough for this post. More soon.

Oh dear, where has the time gone?

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Eleven days since I posted last!

Well, since then I went away on business, got terribly sick, recovered slo-o-o-w-ly, tried to get back to normal, and tried also to get caught up.
I think I might have to make multiple postings to get all the daily pix in nicely, but let’s see how we make out, shall we?
First up: January 11th photo. Trying out my new contraption for changing skeins of yarn into nice balls of yarn. Yarn is Dream in Colour Smooshy Sock Yarn with real silver shot through it. Since I don’t have a yarn swift to coordinate with my ball winder, I have looped the skein around a kitchen chair. Tedious, but it works! This yarn is going to be knit into a cowl, eventually.

Jan 12th photo: my room at the Royal York, where I was staying while away on business. Ahhhhh, so calm, peaceful and tidy….like my house used to be (and will be again someday, probably when I am retired…LOL). The colour scheme at this (and many other hotels) is classic red, green and gold. This is along the lines of the colours I am thinking of, for when JD and I make over the apartment at our historic property into our marital home, instead of what it is now: a tired looking bachelor pad.
January 13th photo: After the business meeting was over, JD and I decided to take a mini-holiday and spend the rest of the day and the next in Niagara Falls.
Some of the holiday lighting displays were still operating and I tried capture them sans tripod. A little blurry, but hey… you get the idea. Little did I know that I would end up in the early morning hours of the next day sick as the proverbial dog, not sure which end to hang over the toilet. At first I thought it was food poisioning (from the Royal York, really???) but later I read in the local newspaper about a mysterious 24 hour stomach bug that is threatening to close down the hospital to visitors….I suspect that is what I got hit with.
Jan 14th photo: After some debate as to whether I was even well enough to handle the 2 hour car ride home to the Village, I decided I just had to get home. Did not want to pay to spend another night being sick in our hotel, however cheap and off-season it was. On the way home, we stopped at Dee’s General Store in Valens so I could stagger in for her unbelievable butter tarts. Peanut butter butter tarts are my absolute favourite of hers. Still, it was 2 more days before I could do more than just look at one, and luckily there was still one left for me at that time! Stupidly, I went back to work on the 15th, instead of staying home for some badly needed recuperation time.
January 15th photo: Once I dragged my sorry butt back home from work, I flopped onto the couch and started watching the first season of Glee on dvd. What a cool show.
I think I’ll stop here and continue updating the blog with another posting: Part Deux.

Did the Christmas Spirit Fairy Finally Fly Up My Nose?

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It seems exceedingly strange for me to finally get “into” Christmas 2 weeks after the fact but heck, better late than never.

The past, oh, 10-15 years or so, have been a struggle for me with respect to the holidays. The kids growing up, the death of my father, the implosion of my first marriage, the working towards re-establishing/discovering myself, have all contributed to me swinging from being a total Christmas freakazoid to being someone who grimly endures the holidays as a sort of test of will and endurance. Yeah, made it through another one…whew…now give me my medal.
That sort of thing. Not a bah-humbug really, but more like a little kid with her nose pressed up to the glass, observing the holiday merriment going on, but with no idea of how to become part of that again, other than just faking it for everyone else’s sake.

This year was especially bad as I was completely bogged down at work, and as well I felt helpless watching my daughter’s heartbreak at the very cruel ending of her longterm relationship with a most unsuitable boyfriend. (Inside I was cheering the fact that Mr. Rectal Orifice could no longer play head games on her and verbally abuse her, but I was also saddened to hear that she seemed to recreating the mistakes of her mother as I found out more about what her relationship with this person was really like.)

But now that Christmas is actually over, and the frenetic pace of it is a distant memory, I find myself somewhat restored and looking forward to creating new traditions with JD when next year is our first Christmas as a man and wife.

Behold our 2009 tree (Jan 9th Photo of the Day), containing our one tradition (so far) of collecting a Swarovski crystal ornament for every year we’ve been together. So far there are 7 hanging on the tree.

This past Christmas we received a beautiful ceramic snowflake ornament from JD’s cousin and her husband to add to the tree as well: Tidings of Comfort and Joy indeed! (Jan 8th POD)

The story of the Swarovski ornament begins on Boxing Day 2002, when JD took me to Birks to pick out a pair of earrings to replace the ones he wrapped up for me for Christmas (diamond clusters that were just too heavy and painful to wear). As we were exiting the store with my perfect little quarter carat diamond studs, we noticed a table full of dark blue triangular shaped boxes, marked half-off. Being a lover of all things sparkly as well as 50% off sales, I had to stop and check it out. JD didn’t hesitate one bit, picked up a box and headed back to the salesgirl to ring up another purchase….and the Swarovski tradition was born. (And, though Birks no longer carries the ornaments, we have been able to source them elsewhere, and many thanks to Sam’s Club and now Costco for ensuring we have never paid full price for our yearly indulgence so far.)

Progress

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I am continuing to make progress towards my 2010 goals a whole seven (count em, seven) days into the New Year. Yay me!
Not only am I trying to organize home, but also my home away from home (aka my office). What you see in the photo is a recycling bag full of old supplier catalogues. And I do mean FULL. As in, I have to split this into at least 2 more bags to get them to the curb without splitting open.

I’ve also gone through the filing cabinet in the background and come up with two Bankers boxes full of old files to store away (I still need them, just not on a daily basis) and another box of paper to shred. Amazing what can accumulate in just under 5 years!

Today I also called the Wedding Coordinator (WC) at the Village Hotel and she has tentatively booked our wedding date for us. Hoorah for that! If she had told me that our date was not available I don’t know what I would have done as I hadn’t been thinking about a Plan B. Now to peruse the wedding planning package she sent us and get some details down!

I feel really good about this venue. The food there is excellent and the customer service is pretty amazing. (We have a pool/fitness membership there and thus have had many interactions with the staff ). Also the WC, Tracey, seems quite warm and friendly.

Very different from the WC we met at The Highly Regarded Country Inn we had initally considered. The HRCI is in an idyllic setting about an hour from the Village – a real stunner of an old mill converted into a first class country getaway. I would have so loved to bring all of our guests there to enjoy the scenery and the wonderful food and lodging HOWEVER the WC left a bad impression on us. She was so disinterested and cold to us, that we left the HRCI with a real sense of foreboding about having to work closely with her for such an important event. Strange to have someone with that type of personality in that role, but I suppose the HRCI is renowned enough that people will book, regardless.

Anyway, JD suggested staying closer to home after this experience, to make things easier on our aging family members, and thus the theme of Wedding in the Village was born!

Is This the Face of a Killer?

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Yes, actually it is. Today Mizz L brought down her first kill – a little vole she dug up from under the snow in the forest we walk through. Mercifully it was quick (one big shake and she must have snapped something – the neck? the spine?) and she didn’t know what to do with it afterwards. At almost 10 years old, who says old dogs can’t learn new tricks??? I felt pretty bad but “Killah” showed no remorse, just boredom because the little thing wouldn’t squeak anymore. Note to self: get the pooch a squeaky toy already!
Jan 3rd photo:
This is my first “green monster” drink, ala OhSheGlows. Made it with 2 handfuls of spinach, steamed; 1 banana; 1 scoop vanilla protein powder; 1/2 cup unsweetened vanilla almond breeze; 1 handful strawberries. Not bad. Felt pretty darn virtuous drinking it, I’ll tell you that.

January 4th photo:
On the 4th I went to Whole Foods in the afternoon to see, once again, what all the buzz is about. Bought a vegan blueberry muffin, to see what a baked good without eggs or milk would taste like. Kinda heavy and too sweet, but otherwise not bad.
Bought some interesting things that I had read about and wanted to try: chia seeds, sweet almond oil, coconut oil…ended up spending over $70 on two little bags of groceries. Yikes. Beautiful store but all that beauty and goodness comes at a price.
Longo’s is still my favourite store even though the closest one to me is about 35 minutes away.
January 5th photo
Last night I went to see “New Moon” with Mizz J, my dear daughter, and brought home this magazine, to enjoy with my new favourite EASY, HEALTHY dessert – chia seed pudding.
Recipe was on the back of the package. Here it is: pour 1/2 cup of flavoured milk into serving dish. (I used sweetened vanilla Almond Breeze.) Add 1.5 tablespoons chia seeds and mix. Let sit for 40 minutes, stirring occasionally. Warning: for tapioca and rice pudding lovers only. If you don’t like the texture of those puddings, you won’t like this one either.
By now you might be asking yourself: What is with all the “weird” health foods? Yeah, I am asking myself the same question, only it comes out like: who ARE you, anymore?
Basically it comes down to this: I have been experiencing some changes in the way I feel of late and am trying new things in the hope that I will go back to how I used to feel.
I used to blame it on peri-menopause (the fatigue, the brain fog, the loss of memory, the weight struggle) but after seeing my doc yesterday for this very thing, it turns out it may be hypothyroidism. Wha???? My TSH levels are on the rise, apparently. Hmmm….this explains a lot. We’ll be monitoring them over the next 6 months to see if the trend continues and then….? Medication I suppose.
Meanwhile, I will continue on with trying to adjust my diet and exercise to improve my health (and look better in the wedding dress I still have to buy!).

Twenty Ten Resolutions

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After a completely crazy December at work and a food free-for-all at Christmas, I am more than ready to get back to some semblance of routine and healthy living. This will be my year – I can feel it like I haven’t before.

I’ve made some simple resolutions (simpler = easier to remember and focus on, in my books) and so far, so very good.

They are:

Everyday I will:

– move my body in concentrated exercise (minimum time = 10 minutes)
– clean/organize something (minimum time = 15 minutes)
– take at least one photo of something that interests me that day. I will be posting these to the blog (probably not daily, but as close as I can get to that).
So far, so good.

Jan 1 photo, see above. New year, same old dog – desperately in need of a good grooming, I may add. Jan 1 cleaning/organizing task: creating an enclosure for Mizz L outside, so she doesn’t wander onto the street anymore. JD’s idea, and a great one. A little chicken wire, some stakes…eh voila…the terror of T Street is now confined to our side yard. Thankfully she is not a jumper nor terribly scheming…at least not yet. Jan 1st workout: brisk walk back and forth to our rental property and shoveling the sidewalks and 2 parking lots there.

It’s the third day of 2010 and I am following these resolutions and am looking forward to getting fitter and getting more organized. Last night my fifteen minutes of cleaning/organizing turned into an hour as I went through a large shoebox (from a pair of boots actually) full of hotel toiletries and sorted them into Ziploc bags for easy grab n’ go to fill up my gym bag or travel bag.
I went from this (Jan 2 photos):
To this:

To this:

Then I emptied out a junk drawer in my bedroom so I could store my nicely sorted travel goodies. I love traveling and going to the gym, so making a defined space for all those essentials is like making room in my life for more fun traveling and gym time. Getting organized/making room in my house is symbolic and hopefully synergistic with making room in my life for the things I want to do. Relieving me of physical and psychic clutter, I believe. Day 2 exercise: walking, walking, walking.

Today I am going to make myself a Green Monster smoothie and take a pic of that. I first heard of green monsters when I visited this website: Oh She Glows – the blog of an organic vegan baker I found through Spark People (see below for link). Her photos of the food she makes are so yummy looking I am seriously considering trying to incorporate more vegetarian or even vegan days into my diet.

My exercise today was Day 1 of the Spark People Bootcamp I signed up for. Daily 10 minute workout videos emailed to me for every day this month. Plus I am supposed to do 5 cardio sessions on my own. That should jump-start me!

Today, for organizing, I am planning on tidying up the Christmas wrap etc., which is still scattered about the upstairs.

Things I am grateful for today: A warm house!!! Bengal Spice tea by Celestial Seasonings. JD, for persevering through my stubbornness and baggage and wanting to marry me anyway.

Oh. My. Goddess. The Wedding! This month we must actually start booking things….it will be September 3rd before we know it. Monday morning I will call the wedding coordinator at the village hotel and get things moving in the right direction. Dress shopping is also on my agenda for this month. Wish me luck!

David Allen – my new guru?

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On page 48 of Getting Things Done, so far…

Great little pull quote there:

“You have more to do than you can possibly do. You just need to feel good about your choices.”

OH. MY. GODDESS.
You mean I not an abysmal failure for not being able to do it all? David…darling…where have you been all my life?

Can’t wait to start feeling good about my choices rather than stressed about the people/things/tasks/stuff I am letting fall thru the cracks, by the wayside, off the wagon, into the ditch – pick your fave.

And let’s not forget the stuff I forget. I want to feel good about that too. Uh, when I remember that I’ve forgotten, that is.

This mental foggery that I keep experiencing is gettin’ old, along with yours truly. Somedays I am tempted to call the doc to see what can be done. But I am not sure right now if I am even in peri/full-blown mentalpause.

Remember the hot flashes I blogged about a month or so ago? Haven’t had one since that time. So what the blue blazes was that all about, anyways?

Hey Body! Quit messing with my head. I mean it.

Too tired to post but will anyway…

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And hopefully I won’t regret this later.

Spent Fri/Sat/Sun a.m. in the big city with my female kidlet and someone I’ve been close friends with since grade 2 (we were besties in High School). For those of you who do math, that’s about 40 some-odd years of friendship.

(Being the introvert I am, I don’t have a lot of friends but those I have, I KEEP. So be warned, if I ever do call you a close friend, it’s a life sentence.)

We shopped, we ate, we walked and walked and walked and walked. 15K on Saturday alone. I shudder to think of the kilometers we logged at the One of a Kind Show on Friday. I don’t have the stats ‘cos CJ wasn’t wearing her pedometer then. Too bad. We saw a movie, The Blind Side. CJ and I let the Jemster pick it out. Good call. We all enjoyed it, even if it was formulaic. Then went back to CJ’s condo after supper and continued the Sandra Bullock film festival (after decompressing in the hot tub) by watching The Proposal. Damn, that woman looks good! Sandra Bullock’s trainer: CALL ME, OK?

I bought another book on Time Management (er…Action Management), Getting Things Done. Now to find time to read it. And apply it. So I don’t spend any more glorious weekends like this wondering if I made a mistake by not cancelling and getting caught up at the office instead. I may have made a mistake but I won’t regret it. Nope, not ever.

Return of the Prodigal Blogger

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OK. So here I am, finally back on the blog.

Dear Blog,

I thought of you daily. Well, not daily, but at least every other day. Usually with a twinge of guilt.
Well, not a twinge, but actually a big whallop of guilt. This is sad.

To feel guilt about neglecting my own creation. After all, who do I report to on this? Ummm….Me. And as Me, I should cut Myself some slack for getting busy and stressed with work and other life committments. It happens.

However, as Me, I would like to remind Myself that when I get busy, I tend to forget my personal goals. They are the first to drop by the wayside. All. The. Time. Me says this is no way to treat Myself. Myself agrees.

Me would also like to add that writing on the blog is very good for Myself. Myself concurs. Me adds that Myself needs her writing practice much more than Myself knows. This is good for emotional and creative health, as well as for reinforcement and focus on Myself’s goals.

So dear Blog, all 3 of us would like to apologize deeply for being away for so long. We are going to do better from now on.

Sincerely,

Me, Myself and I

‘Cos I’m Hot then I’m Cold, I’m Yes then I’m No…

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Yeppers….it is the dreaded mental-pause for sure.
Finally. I say finally because my younger sisters have been complaining of this stuff for years already, so I have been anticipating for quite a while now.

Hot flashes – experiencing about a half dozen or so a day. Very brief but very warm. Face flushes a bit and I get damp on my face and neck. Nothing like what I was expecting. From listening to my mom and grandmother I was expecting to SUFFER, BABY but so far it’s not really that bad. I fervently hope though, that it gets no worse.

In a way, I’ve actually been feeling better since the hot flashes began. All summer I was kinda in a mental fog. Finding it hard to stay focused. A real lack of physical and mental energy. Lately though (the last couple of weeks, same time frame as the hot flashes), my energy levels have been quite good and I am mentally more alert and my focus is coming back.

This just lends more credence to my little pet hypothesis that menopause is a kind of reverse puberty with all the same horrors and hopefully, joys.

Think about it:

At the beginning of a female’s fertility cycle, she resents the changes her body is going through, her emotions go haywire, and she thinks she is losing her mind.

Then she settles into her new “normal”, and begins to actually enjoy this phase of her life.

Then she gets pregnant, resents the changes her body is going through, her emotions go haywire, and she thinks she is losing her mind.

At the end of her cycle, she once more resents the changes her body is going through, her emotions go haywire, and she thinks she is losing her mind, YET AGAIN.

Which means I should, at the end of this, come into a new “normal” – which I hope, pray, and suspect is going to be similar to the carefree, careless joys of pre-adolescent girlhood when you really didn’t care at all about boys or what they or anybody else thought or expected of you, and you just went out and had lots of fun exploring the world!