Worst Thanksgiving Food Fail(s)

On November 7, 2016November 7, 2016 By Widow BadassIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Dearest Blog,

I learned quite a few years back that there are certain times when menu experimentation is welcomed but traditional holiday meals are not one of them…at least not with my family.
I am reminded of the time many years ago I decided it would be fun to stray from the tried and true celery, sage and onion stuffing to venture into cranberry, apple and sausage territory.

FAIL. BIG FAIL. You don’t mess with the best part (some would say the point) of the whole meal.
You’d think I would have learned from this debacle dear Blog, but as usual you would be wrong.
This year I decided I was so sick and tired of cranberries-in-everything anymore (damn, those cranberry marketing people are GOOD) that I banished the sauce from the table.

In our family, most people tend to give cranberry relish the side-eye at Thanksgiving and Christmas even when I go to the trouble of creating a fresh cranberry masterpiece from scratch instead of dumping a blob of it from a can into a bowl. We’re just not big cranberry sauce eaters.
So I thought it would be a really safe bet to have a cranberry-free table and sub with IKEA’s lingonberry sauce instead, to see if that was better received. It’s red, it’s tart, it’s tasty with savoury stuff like…I don’t know…Swedish meatballs? What’s not to love about lingonberry sauce???
YEAH, about that. Forgot that it wasn’t going to be just family at the table but a lovely couple of guests as well. Guess what? These guests LOVED cranberry sauce with their turkey.

Luckily for me they also LOVED lingonberry sauce and were OK with the swap. So the awkward moment was quickly smoothed over. Not a FAIL but a NEAR MISS.

Next year I will have both sauces at the ready.

Rock on,

The WB

Christmas Shows Already, WTF?!?!

On November 6, 2016November 6, 2016 By Widow BadassIn Good Times, Hmmm?2 Comments

Dear Blog,

I am pissed. The W network started showing Christmas movies already.

It’s bad enough that the stores were stocking Christmas decor items long before Hallowe’en was even on most peoples’ minds, but now this???

From what I remember as a child Christmas was not really on anybody’s radar (via advertising/radio/TV shows) until around 2 weeks before the actual date. I realize it was a different time. People didn’t have access to credit like they do today, and Christmas shopping could not usually be done well in advance – at least not at my house.

People actually saved up to buy things using CASH – imagine that! Or they did without – imagine THAT, dear Blog! So, people like my parents (most people) had to wait until they had the money to “splash out” at Christmas time, and that was not until December, at the earliest.

So the two weeks leading up to Christmas day was when the real “rush” began. Exciting-looking packages were quickly whisked away to secret places while we kids were supposedly otherwise distracted, and yummy foods started appearing in the cupboards and in the fridge. About a week before Christmas the decorating began, with a real tree brought inside and the box of old glass ornaments brought down from the attic. My sisters and I spent many hours creating hand-coloured paper chains and snowflakes with which to decorate the sparsely furnished living room of the old farm house we grew up in.

All of this “beauty” (to my child’s eyes) was taken down on the day after New Year’s Day, to lie waiting in a box in the attic again until mid-December of the following year.

You never had time to get sick of the season because it was here and gone in a flash. Christmas music pouring from the radio did not lose its freshness and was welcomed like a long-lost friend for the short duration that it was on the airwaves. We loved it when the local paper printed out the lyrics to favourite carols so we could sing them together as a family, in the evenings when there was nothing worth watching on the 2 channels we could bring in on our antenna.

Looking back, we didn’t have much and yet didn’t feel the lack, because we weren’t inundated for weeks or months with images and shows depicting the perfectly decked-out, glossy Christmas that supposedly everyone else was having. That we could have too, if we went out and bought it using borrowed money. Like what is happening now.

I do get it, dear Blog, that retail needs to make money. Christmas, being such an emotionally-loaded celebration, is especially good at parting people from their money (real or credit). My dad owned a store for about 5 years when I was a tween, then teen. In fact it was my first job, helping out on Saturdays in the Dutch import store and delicatessen that we owned. My dad used to say that all year long the store broke even and only in December did he make his profit for the year. So I understand why retail is totally behind growing and milking the season for all it’s worth.

And it makes good financial sense for TV networks to produce and air Christmas shows to attract advertising dollars from retailers trying to maximize their own profit potential, so they are all for an expanded Christmas season as well.

But where does that leave me and others, dear Blog, who are Christmas-weary by mid-December? The expanded season does not make me want to spend more money. In fact, it does the opposite. Me and mine are not even doing presents this year.

Mom’s death a week before Christmas last year meant we did not celebrate a typical Christmas season or day. Her illness and death diminished Christmas to some nice little event that was happening to everyone else, not us. Not the megalithic be-all to end-all celebration that is has become for most. And it was still fine. Because we were together as a family, celebrating Mom and being united in our grief.

And that’s Christmassy enough for me, dear Blog.

Rock on,

The WB

Stuff

On November 5, 2016 By Widow BadassIn Hmmm?Leave a comment

Dear Blog,

Let’s talk about stuff.

Today I went to my stepdad’s to grab the last of my late mom’s stuff from their condo. The condo has sold and my stepdad is moving to a retirement community in a nearby town.

His family was there also, in full force, because this man has a lot of stuff…stuff that won’t fit in to his new abode. My mom had a lot of stuff too and most of the rest of it is sitting downstairs in the foyer. I don’t even want to bring it up into my place because, well…I have a lotta stuff too, again. Nice stuff. Useful stuff. Pretty stuff. But stuff all the same. So the few boxes left of Mom’s stuff sits downstairs for me to sort through. I can already tell you most of it is going to a donation centre.

Of course none of this accumulation of stuff holds a candle to the amount of stuff my late husband left behind him. It took me (and friends and family) almost a whole year – 7 full dumpsters, untold bags of recyclables, give-aways and donate-ables (think quadruple digits – good thing one of the items he hoarded was garbage bags)…and shameful amounts of trash left for curb-side pickup every week – before the first phase of purging his hoard was completed.

In the end, for all of us, our stuff gets left behind. We leave it for others to deal with, like JD ended up doing. Or we have to downsize, like my stepdad and my maternal grandmother, and our stuff ends up being what we can pack into a studio apartment in an assisted living community.

I like to joke that my plan is to die with only the clothes on my back and a bank account, to make things easy for my kids. But I know they will want some of my stuff, as I treasure having some of my mom’s stuff.

But the rest? Ugh.

George Carlin once riffed famously on our need to accumulate stuff and then places to hold our stuff. I don’t know how George lived, but I am pretty sure he owned stuff too. Stuff makes our lives easier and more comfortable. Let’s face it, we need stuff. There are people suffering in the world because they don’t have enough stuff to live a healthy, happy life.

But there’s enough stuff and way too much stuff. It is so damn easy in the Western World to have way too much stuff. And to get to the point where stuff owns you, instead of the other way around.

Constant vigilance is needed. Because stuff takes up valuable mental space as well as physical space.

So far, my stuff is well-purposed, I think dear Blog. I don’t begrudge the amount of mental energy and space my stuff takes to look after. I am enjoying having a fully-furnished home again.

I plan to enjoy it to the utmost, because I know that there may come a time when I too will have to pare down my stuff to fit into a single room.

Rock on,

The WB

NaBloPoMo 2016

On November 4, 2016November 5, 2016 By Widow BadassIn Hmmm?1 Comment

Dear Long-Suffering Blog,

Not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought of you…and then went on to do something else. Oops, my bad.

I have been pretty damn busy actually, if you care to know dear Blog. For instance, I had what we think was ANOTHER mini-stroke, which necessitated a whole plethora of testing. On the night before my damn birthday in case you were interested. How sad is that? While I was waiting at the kitchen counter for some goodies that I had baked to cool, so I could pack them up to take in to my staff at work. Instead of delivering the goodies the next day I spent it in bed, recovering from the sleepless night spent on a cot in the Emergency Department. One of my shittier birthdays, if you want to know the truth of it, dear Blog.

So far all results are negative and the cardiologist has offered up a hypothesis that it could have been some weird, rare type of migraine instead. Really, Blog. I shit you not. Hemiplegic migraine. Google it.

I just finished all the scheduled testing last week and am waiting not very patiently for the results of my 2 – count ’em – 2 MRIs.

In between all of this medical merry-making, I have been travelling (The Netherlands, Chalk River, Montreal) and nesting like a MOTHER. Yep, renovations are now complete at Chez Badass, dear Blog, and I finally get to gettin’ to the fun stuff. Hanging shit on walls, buying (many, many) throw cushions, and putting up drapes. Woohoo! After 3 long, busy years I live in a place that looks like a real home instead of a temporary camp in a long- abandoned office building. And that means I can now catch up on my socializing which I am also way behind on because of various life-altering events such as becoming a widow AND orphan, moving, becoming a landlord, renovating every damn thing, and completing a post-graduate degree while holding down a full-time job – all at the same effing time.

So now today I learned of this thing called NaBloPoMo 2016. How could I not know about this? I mean, I know all about NaNoWriMo or whatever the hell it’s called, and I have no intention of ever writing a novel. Yet it’s in my face every November. Huh.

Oh well, I have seen it now and it can’t be unseen. So here goes. I have some catching up to do and thankfully BlogHer has provided writing prompts for the weekdays, at least:

Nov. 1: When you’re having a bad day with your mental health, what do you do to help yourself?

Well, a big ol’ glass of Vitamin W usually helps my mental health considerably. It comes in 2 main colours but I prefer the red one.

Yep, a glass or 2 of this miracle elixir helps my attitude to adjust back to the correct, default setting of zero-fucks-to-be-given.

If for whatever reason I cannot or choose not to take my special vitamin, going for a brisk walk or doing yoga or even taking a luxurious nap can do the trick. Of course writing on you dear Blog, or in my journal – does this even need to be said? All of these actions help my mood and remind me that, for most things these days, I do or should have zero-fucks-to-give anymore.

Nov. 2: When was the last time you did something brave? What happened?

I try to do something brave whenever an opportunity comes up, which is way more frequently than one would imagine. Because when I wimp out on stuff, I feel way worse than if I had just done the thing I was scared to do. Being brave, for me, is way easier on my ever-present and very loud and annoying conscience. Almost always what happens is good stuff.

Like when I was a neophyte landlord and trying to negotiate my first all-by-myself lease. It was going south rapidly, due to some miscommunications, so I put my big girl panties on and circumvented the agent and talked to the prospective tenants directly and frankly about what I was expecting out of the deal. They did the same and we came to an agreement immediately. Now I consider them an asset – not only to my building, but also to my life. Knowing these people has enriched my life tremendously and I feel blessed by this experience.

Nov. 3: If you could be completely honest with no regrets, what would you say and to whom?

First of all I hate this “no regrets” shit. People who brag about having no regrets either live a totally fake, cotton-wrapped life, are sociopaths, or are as deep as a summer puddle. Anybody who has lived any kind of life and has the mental capacity to reflect on their life and their behaviour should have a boatload of regrets. We can always do better, people.

If I could be completely honest with no regrets (no such animal), I would choose to be kind no matter what I thought I wanted/needed to say to someone. You never really know what other people are dealing with. No one was ever born an asshole. And even if they were, are your words gonna change anything? Or just cause more suffering – both for yourself and the other person? Yeah. Dwell on that one for a bit before you shoot your mouth off.

Nov. 4: Which fall shows should totally be canceled already?

Can’t comment. Haven’t watched network television in a bazillion years. I think the last network show I got excited about was Northern Exposure. Cancel ’em all I say. Or just shove them onto Netflix so I can watch a whole bunch at a time and not have to try to remember who’s who or what is going on between episodes or have to schedule my life around when the damn thing airs. Yes, I know I can set the PVR but that is yet another DUTY and RESPONSIBILITY. Sigh.

Now dear Blog, I hear a glass of Vitamin W calling my name on this fine Friday night. See ya tomorrow, old chum.

Rock on,

The WB

Pacing One’s Self – Part 2

On August 2, 2016 By Widow BadassIn Good Times, MusicLeave a comment

Sunday brought us the Temperance Movement show at the Toronto Festival of Beer. Still very hot and humid, but thankfully mostly overcast so walking around outside was that much more bearable.

Mizz J and I left for Toronto as late as possible. Timing was perfect actually. We arrived about an hour before the band went on, which left us just enough time to spend our beer tokens (came with admission, along with a sampling mug) on tasting some new libations:

Crabbie's Hard Ginger Beer....YUM. — Crabbie’s Hard Ginger Beer….YUM.

And time to fuel up, thanks to the the Fidel Gastro food truck:

Pad Thai fries...which I can't get out of my mind. Damn you, Fidel Gastro! — Pad Thai fries…which I can’t get out of my mind. Damn you, Fidel Gastro!

Everyone has a VW hippie van, it seems. I see these things everywhere. Except my driveway, that is. 🙁

We checked out the merch tent, of course. But alas, as with Macca, the t-shirts did not inspire me to get out my wallet. How hard is it to design an attractive band shirt, I ask you? Apparently too hard for either of these artists…sigh. Actually there was a nice shirt design (rainbow-y, psychedelic-looking) at the Paul McCartney concert…but it only came in kids’ sizes. What does this say about my taste???

At least the band did not disappoint:

High energy show by The Temperance Movement

I love how close you can get to the band when at the CNE bandshell.

After a great show, it was back on the Go train to the car, then home.

And that is how to pace one’s self to get through 3 musical events over 4 steamy, energy-sapping days.

Rock on,

The WB

Pacing One’s Self – Part 1

On July 25, 2016July 26, 2016 By Widow BadassIn Good Times, MusicLeave a comment

Since Thursday Mizz J and I have been on a bit of a marathon, musically-speaking.

When not working, doodling in the drywall dust that covers every surface of my home, or obsessively watching Die Antwoord videos (Don’t ask, I can’t explain it. I can’t even figure out what they are rapping about half the time. In fact I understand the English lyrics in equal measure to the Afrikaans.), I took in a lot of live music Thursday to Sunday.

Thursday night was the long anticipated Paul McCartney show at the First Ontario Centre, in Hamilton.

Hamilton was…er…interesting. Plenty of street people. Even more so than Toronto, it seemed to me.

We got there early and, because it was so stinking hot outside, hung out in Jackson Square Mall beside the event location.

We had to wait for a bit to use the washrooms off of the food court as 3 of the 5 stalls were out of order. Not a good sign. One stall was occupied for a very long time. A mom and her 7 year old daughter were waiting there too, for the occupant – her other daughter, as it turned out. Finally she emerged, looking all of about 12 (Mizz J said she looked 14), and waving around a pregnancy test in progress. I don’t know what the verdict was or how it was received. It was so awkward I avoided any eye contact with the whole scene and thankfully we got our business done and outta there very soon after that.

And then there was Macca, worth every moment of heat, discomfort and being exposed to the seedier, sadder side of life:

Sir Paul put on an incredible 3 hour show without a break – not even to take a sip of water. For a brief moment there I too could see my future self as a 74 year old ball of vegetarian energy but then I remembered who I really was…*cough*carnivore*cough*.

Got back to the Village around 130 am and hit my new bed around 2 am:

True fact: the bedding cost more than the bed. But so pretty and worth every penny. More photos of my newly renovated bedroom and closet to come as I finish the room.

I will not lie. Up at 6 am, Friday was a struggle to get through. So much so that I despaired as to how I was going to manage Hillside Festival on Saturday and seeing the Temperance Movement at the Toronto Festival of Beer on Sunday. (And then back to work on Monday). It didn’t help that the temps were in the mid thirties (degrees Celsius) with the humidity making it feel like the forties. And both events were outdoors.

So Mizz J and I did the wise thing. We went to Hillside fairly early and left fairly early too – the heat and humidity were relentless and no amount of shade, breeze or misting could alleviate it – only make it barely tolerable.

Junkanoo at Hillside – they must of been dying in those costumes!

Mizz J in the Misting Tent right after we arrived

View of the Main Stage – notice the parched grass

Many more folk than this in the water as the day went on.

Adorning the Henry Kock Bike Lot — Adornment of the Henry Kock Bike Lot – I once took a gardening course with the late, great Mr. Kock

I really enjoyed the relaxed, inclusive and friendly vibe of Hillside. I kinda felt like I had found my tribe. Mizz J and I took in several workshops as well as overhearing some performances as we wandered around, trying to stick to whatever shade was available. I would go again, but this time take my bathing suit and maybe even camp there for the weekend.

But in the end the heat did us in, so we left a lot earlier than we had planned, to get into some air-conditioned comfort and recover for the next day’s festival in Toronto.

To be continued.

Rock on,

The WB

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Poisoned Pen Letter

On July 22, 2016July 22, 2016 By Widow BadassIn Hmmm?4 Comments

The most extraordinary thing happened to me this week.

I received a poisoned pen letter regarding my late husband.

It’s not extraordinary that I received communication from someone angry with JD. He must have left wreckage and chaos in his wake throughout his adult life, given his mental health issues. He certainly left enough for me to deal with.

To be frank, what is extraordinary is that I have not gotten more of this kind of stuff.

What has me puzzled is WHY NOW? JD has been gone for almost 3 years. What has triggered someone to put (poisoned) pen to paper and snail-mail me this anonymous note after all this time?

The writer’s intent is also to upset me, I believe.

Sorry dear writer, you will have to do better than this meagre offering.

Instead of being upset, I find myself quite intrigued to know more.

I feel like the plucky protagonist in my very own mystery story. How cool is that?

I hope I can inspire the writer to reach out to me again. We really should talk.

Rock on,

The WB

Jumpin’ June

On July 3, 2016July 3, 2016 By Widow BadassIn Goals & Dreams, Home Improvement, MBA, See the Beauty1 Comment

I had a feeling that June was gonna be a bit crazy and it did not disappoint.

First there was the wedding of the son of a good friend, which was delightful and took place on one of those perfect June days that make it such a popular month for nuptials.

Then there was prepping for renovations AND for leaving for Edmonton for my Convocation:

Accepting MBA degrees for both myself and JD.

It was emotionally draining, to say the least. But I was glad I did so that JD got his recognition. He received a spontaneous standing ovation and many eyes were filled with tears. The dean broke down several times while reading the short biography I prepared about JD. Afterwards so many strangers approached me to say how touched and inspired they were, and to offer me a hug.

After the ceremony, with JD's hood draped over my arm. — After the ceremony, with JD’s hood draped over my arm.

Meanwhile, back at Chez Badass floors were being sanded down and refinished! I came back home on a Sunday evening to my planned interior and exterior renovations in full swing.

There was nothing to do but put up with the disruption and hit the trails. Almost every night that week I was at the Dundas Conservation Area for the annual 4 Day-Evening Walk (a Dutch tradition brought home to Canada):

Walkers ahead of me got their Dutch on, wearing orange for the Dutch royal family (House of Orange). — Walkers ahead of me got their Dutch on, wearing orange (official colour of the walk) for the Dutch royal family (House of Orange).

Four 5 km walks earned me my Year 5 participation medal.

Renovation work continued, both inside and out.

New entrance doors and exterior lighting. — New entrance doors, just installed…and new exterior lighting (LED).

Another escape from all the dust and debris and flaking paint, onto the Speed River:

Kayak parking only...hehehe. — Kayak parking only…hehehe.

Breakfast on the water. A grain-free Morning Glory muffin.

Wish Floyd came with a cup holder. Don’t possess a thigh gap really – more of a tea gap 😉

When indoors, I have been working away at the Badass Budget and have set up another automatic savings account (Emergency Bucks) as a result, and in addition to my pre-existing Travel Bucks account. Lest I fritter away all my discretionary cash on stuff like these lovely Fluevogs:

Is this truly the last pair of shoes I will buy in 2016? Check back with me after my upcoming trip to the Netherlands.

And I have placed myself on a shoe moratorium for the remainder of 2016, after having to find new homes for my clothing and shoes during the apartment renovation. I’m not approaching Imelda Marcos territory with respect to shoe collecting but damn…I realized I do have many pairs….and many pairs I cannot or will not wear any longer. So I did a bit of purging in June also.

So badass yet so practical. Yes, those are skulls on the buckle.

And finally, on the last day of June, my dining room dreams came true as I took delivery of the table I had custom-made, from reclaimed threshing mill floor planks (hemlock):

Dining room furniture: check! — Renovate room and acquire dining room furniture: check!

A bit of mixed feelings on this one, as this room was last in regular use as my mom’s bedroom. But I know she would be very happy that I have a table again at last, for everyone to sit down at.

Party ready for my Canada Day baby's birthday on the 1st. — Party ready for my Canada Day baby’s birthday on the 1st.

Hope everyone had a lovely June and has an exciting July on deck!

Rock on,

The WB

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A Plan is Born

On May 21, 2016May 21, 2016 By Widow BadassIn Goals & Dreams, Roadtripping5 Comments

I love to plan things. This is no secret to those that know me. The J in my personality profile (INFJ) needs decisions to be made, like NOW.

The sooner I get shit nailed down, the better I like it. I’m OK with changing plans – even at the last moment – but I want there to be a plan in place to begin with. I am not happy with drifting along aimlessly. Course corrections/deviations are always allowed but there needs to be a flight plan first!

I have just come off of a long period of my life in which my ability to plan or control it was extremely limited – living with someone with OCD meant “the plan” was always gonna be his plan. And try as I might to have some control over my life and jointly plan our future, there was very little input I had as the disease had the final say on just about everything.

Then, after JD passed away I was left with the issues that the OCD had created…to clean up this huge mess literally and figuratively. But at the same time I was feverishly planning my new life as a widow.

Confession time: the planning actually started as JD’s disease progressed and my tiny fragile sliver of hope for his survival evaporated. That sounds cold but it is the truth. While caring for him as he withered away from the cancer, a part of my mind was also busy drafting a plan for dealing with the aftermath of his passing. This is how I was able to hit the ground running right away and get his messy, chaotic life and hoard cleaned up in just under a year. They say not to make any major decisions in the first year after a spouse passes away, but in my circumstances these decisions were absolutely necessary and thought out well in advance.

My new life plans only existed about a year or two out up until yesterday, and they lived in my head and nowhere else except for some brief mentions on ye olde blogge. I was flipping through the new National Geographic Travel Magazine while eating lunch at work when I came across this article:

Route 66: The Mother Road turns 90 this year.

Holey moley! It hit me all at once. In less than 10 years I will be retired from full-time work if all goes well. In 10 years Route 66 will be turning 100. And I will be 66 for part of that year. Getting my kicks on Route 66 when 66…how can I NOT do this?

As I was thinking this and looking at the article, I felt like I’d been really close to a lightning strike and a huge thunderclap was reverberating through my body. I knew I had to make a long-term plan to get from A (now) to B (The Mother of All Road Trips) successfully.

So then I got to thinking about retirement and how I don’t really have much of a plan from now until then either. Except for some vague thinking about what to fix on my building for the next couple of years AND to start putting the equivalent of my car payment into savings each month once Edward II the Sparkly Prius is paid off next December…

I realized I didn’t even know the year of my retirement off the top of my head, except that it is about 8 years away (that’s 2024 for those that are still reading).

So WB (I said to myself), how ARE you gonna get from here to adventuring off into the Western sunset in your hippie van/Airstream Bambi/ragtop convertible/Harley Davidson/Mercedes Sprinter Camper/whatever? Aha! The zygote of a game plan was conceived at the moment I asked the question.

That night the 10 Year Plan spreadsheet was born. Not only that, it’s fraternal twin (surprise!) – the Badass Budget – took its first breath as well. Both babies are doing well and Momma couldn’t be more thrilled. More about them later…

Rock on,

The WB

A-Z Blogging Challenge Reflections

On May 12, 2016 By Widow BadassIn Hmmm?, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Another April, another 26 posts.
Got through them again, without too much angst although some posts were pretty durn lean due to time and creativity constraints.
I am disappointed I didn’t get to visit as many blogs as I was intending to, ~~before the madness that is the challenge began~~ pre-April. No one to blame but myself.
However, I do have the list of 2016 participants bookmarked and it is my plan to dive in to it throughout the next 12 months to find more great bloggers to visit.

I am so very thankful to the A-Z Team for making this possible every year! I find this exercise revitalizes me and reminds me how much I get out of ~~spewing my guts on~~ keeping up ye olde blogge.

My goal for 2017 is to come up with a theme. There, I said it.

Rock on,

The WB