Art Update

On November 25, 2017November 25, 2017 By Widow BadassIn Artistic Endeavours, NaBloPoMo3 Comments

I wish I had some of the pieces that I have completed recently to show you (because I’m kinda proud of them), but they are earmarked as gifts so they won’t be appearing on Ye Olde Blogge until they have been delivered to the recipients.

September and October were pretty quiet for me on the artistic endeavours front, because those months were so freaking awesome, weather-wise…but now that we are here in damp, grey November I have returned to my laundry room/studio to do more than laundry!

When I first started back into visual arts again, I had thought I needed to find a local artist to take lessons from. Then I remembered I lived in the Information Age so I hopped onto YouTube. Love you, Interwebs!

Oh my. So many wonderful, giving art teachers to choose from! So much inspiration and instruction out there! So many tips and tricks! Especially for born-again beginners like me! Available at any given moment. Always there for you. And you can pause them whenever you need to!

Here are some of my faves:

Tim Packer Fine Arts https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_IjiNiYrPgpixEE6IOmVqQ

The Art Sherpa https://www.youtube.com/user/HoneyBmama

Angela Anderson https://www.youtube.com/user/angelafineart

Ginger Cook https://www.youtube.com/user/gingercooklive

Kristen Ulrig https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-vb1Bc80704xaaiiCEqloA

And of course, the lovely Julie Gibbons https://www.youtube.com/user/JulieGibbonsCreates , whose Mandala Magic course I signed up for this time last year.

This year-long course (almost at an end) is a paid-for subscription, and delivered in monthly instalments. I was following it faithfully for the first 3-4 months, then work got crazy and it fell by the wayside…but I have downloaded all the videos etc. (mine to keep FOREVAH…BWAHAHAHA!) so I will get around to the rest of them eventually.

During this course I realized something. Me and art journalling (which Mandala Magic is very much about)…huh, not so much. I prefer to get straight to the canvas. This might change when I retire and have more free time – but for now, when the muse strikes I want to get right at starting a “piece”.

Which is my plan for this grey November Saturday. What’s yours?

Rock on,

The WB

Another Night, Another Rock Show

On November 24, 2017November 24, 2017 By Widow BadassIn Music, NaBloPoMo4 Comments

In this week’s episode of Drunk People Behaving Badly (alternate title: Maybe I AM Getting Too Old for This Shit?), I bring you a little photo essay of The WB and Mizz J’s adventure in the Very Big City attending The Glorious Sons show, at the Phoenix Concert Theatre.

Opening act was grandson. Hard rocking; highly entertaining. On a mission to dispel the rumours that Rock Is Dead.

What’s my name? “Grandson!” What’s my name? “Grandson!!” What’s my name? “Grandson!!!” OK. Now you know my name.

The crowds weren’t bad (in terms of numbers or drunkenness) at this point and grandson was exciting to watch bounce all over the stage. At one point he even made the crowd (well, most of them) get down on their knees, then exhorted them to jump up (and around). Never seen that one before. He also asked us if we were warmed up yet for The Glorious Sons…about 15 times during his set. Mizz J and I really liked him, and appreciated his command of the stage and the audience. He never introduced his hard-rocking bandmates, though. That I can recall, anyways. It was all about grandson, all the time. My only negative critique.

By the time The Glorious Sons was in full swing, the scene looked more like this:

Packed in like little inebriated sardines, they were.

As it got steadily more packed on the floor – and we were continually jostled, pushed and stepped on – we made a decision to high-tail it up to the Loft area, where we stood by one of the many venue bars for a bit. Less jostling and pushing. Same amount of drunks though. Eventually we caught a break and found a couple of empty spaces on a bench. Now we could relax a bit and enjoy an unimpeded view. My highlight: all of us singing along with the band to Everything is Alright.

Better view, far above the maddeningly drunken crowd.

It really was too bad that we didn’t get as much out of this show as we anticipated we would. I’ve been a fan of the Sons in all their Gloriousness since I first heard them on the air, on our local rock station. Only now – 3 years later – is the Big City station deigning to play their music. This was my 3rd time, and Mizz J’s 4th time, seeing them live.

It’s been kinda neat to follow their evolution as artists.

I wisely booked the day off from work, fully anticipating that I would be dragging my sorry butt around this morning. Was 2:30 am before I was home and settled down enough to consider sleep.

Still not the oldest person in attendance! I always check.

Rock on,

The WB

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Throwback Thursday – Invisalign Update

On November 23, 2017 By Widow BadassIn Goals & Dreams, NaBloPoMoLeave a comment

I’ve been unhappy with my smile for a long, long time. I never used to think about my teeth, except to check if I had a piece of spinach stuck in them. I never wanted a movie star smile. My teeth were good enough for me.

But then the dentist noticed evidence that I was clenching and grinding my teeth – in my sleep apparently, because I don’t do it when awake. And this started shifting my teeth around. My teeth were slanting in, and jockeying for position in front of or behind each other.

And by 2013 at least (can’t remember the exact date), I started being unhappy with what I saw in the mirror or in photos. Like this one, taken when JD and I were at Pebble Beach, California on that last (work combined with pleasure) trip shortly before he died:

Dems crooked teeth. And that’s supposed to be a smile. But the brightness of the day is making it look like a grimace instead.

I tried not to think about it. I tried to tell myself I was OK with my teeth. I tried to tell myself I was too old to be worrying about how my teeth looked anymore. Then, out on a walk, I took this selfie last December:

This is the photo that sent me on the Invisalign journey, finally.

I realized I was never going to be able to talk myself into being happy with my crooked teeth. And they were only going to get worse, the older I got. So I headed to my kid’s orthodontist in January. After all, he did a great job on her teeth. Behold:

Look at that smile! With Mom, on the day of Me Too’s wedding at Chez Badass: July 31, 2015. (Mom’s fuzzy head is her hair starting to grow back after her final, fruitless bout with chemo. She passed away on December 18, 2015.)

When I came back from Barbados in February, I picked up my trays and began the process of shifting my teeth into new positions.

It hasn’t been that bad – not at all. I’m so used to managing meals and my life around Invisalign now, it’s going to feel weird not to be wearing them. Because I’m starting my last tray today before we go into what Dr. Brian says is the “refinement” phase. So the end is in sight!

Here’s a photo of the progress made by August:

Whoa…that’s better! The bumps you see on my teeth are the “mounts” to help hold the Invisalign trays in place. They will be removed when the process is over.

I am beyond thrilled with the results so far. I have no idea what more “refinements” need to be made. But I will leave that up to the orthodontist. He’s the tooth artiste, not me. Stay tuned for the final smile reveal, coming soon!

Rock on,

The WB

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(Mostly) Wordless Wednesday

On November 22, 2017November 22, 2017 By Widow BadassIn NaBloPoMo, Village LifeLeave a comment

Woke up this morning to this lovely scene:

Outside my home office window, the Christmas lights are looking fine! Pardon the blurriness – taken through the window. I took shots outside (in my nightie, brrrr) but I liked this one the best.

Monday afternoon and evening was filled with excitement here in the Village. Not the good kind either. An abandoned foundry had caught fire. I could see the smoke from the window of my office, in the City – a 20 minute drive away. A thoughtful friend called me to let me know what was happening, and that my area of town was not affected.

Once I got home I took some pictures, from a very safe distance – from across the river on my side of town:

All is calm on the Mill Pond, except I spooked the ducks with my presence.

The fire continued through the night and, if I can believe Facebook, started up again the next day. People are very upset and worrying about chemicals in the air. Air quality tests were taken and people were assured they were safe. Now the conspiracy theories abound. Facebook can be very entertaining.

Rock on,

The WB

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Coming to Mindfulness by the Back Door

On November 21, 2017November 21, 2017 By Widow BadassIn Mindfulness, NaBloPoMo2 Comments

I’ve been thinking a lot about living in the moment (being mindful).

I’ve been practicing daily meditation for a couple of weeks now. As with most people, I’m pretty bad at it. But I keep trying.

And the reason I keep trying is because, at the most stressful time of my entire life, being mindful got me through.

When I was living with JD, his OCD made our lives chaotic and exhausting and extremely difficult to live with any measure of peace. Correction: it made my life that way. It was his normal way of being and he seemed mostly OK with that.

Except every once in a while he would complain about other people being able to take vacations and have weekends “off” and time to enjoy life, and why couldn’t we?

Oh brother. Where do I begin? I used to tell him exactly why but he didn’t want to acknowledge that it was the disease’s doing because he didn’t want to seek help. So I just stopped responding. He didn’t want a solution; he just wanted to complain at the unfairness of it all.

Anywho, every once in a wee while he would agree to us taking a day or most of a day off and we would hit the road for a respite. Those times got me through. During those times, without consciously thinking about it or forcing it, I lived totally in the moment. I was BEING. HERE. NOW. I didn’t think about the mess back home, the unceasing backlog of work, the shit-storm life I found myself trapped in, NOTHING. I just enjoyed every present moment of being with a more relaxed, funny and charming JD, and taking in some new sights and experiences.

And when that day or those few hours ended, I felt as refreshed as if I had been away for a week of “regular” vacation. Huh!

When JD got cancer, things got much worse. Because nothing was supposed to change or else the cancer would have won. (Spoiler: the cancer won anyways – 6 months later.)

So I kept working and going to (online) school and now I had a new job – caregiver to someone who already needed a lot of care and attention. JD had to stop working because he was too weak but he kept on going with his MBA studies as well. And his OCD escalated, of course. And I had to participate in even MORE of his daily rituals as part of my caregiver role. Plus we had a few of our own, like his nightly heparin shot to the stomach, that I had to administer.

Most days the only moment of peace I had to myself was when I went upstairs to wash my face to get ready for bed. I wash my face with olive oil, have been doing this for years. But when JD was sick, this became my “moment”.

I would apply the olive oil to my face and gently massage it all over. Then I would take a washcloth and rinse it in the hottest water I could stand. Then I would place the hot washcloth on my face and just let it sit there. Ahhhhhh….

I called it my daily spa moment. During that 60 seconds or so, I focused on the feeling of peace and serenity that accompanied the hot cloth being applied to my face. I succeeded in noticing every wonderful moment of that experience. My mind emptied of all other thought. And if I was really lucky, I got to enjoy it until the cloth got cooler without hearing “Sweetie? Sweetie, where are you? Sweetie! Sweetie!!”

And it was enough to keep me going for another day. It had to be.

So these 2 experiences taught me about the absolute power of mindfulness. I wasn’t intentionally being mindful – not at all – I had no time to think about that. It was more like a survival instinct kicking in. I found myself at mindfulness, at this intention unintentionally, by opening the unmarked backdoor.

Rock on,

The WB

Becoming Mindful About Money – Mindful Monday

On November 20, 2017November 20, 2017 By Widow BadassIn Mindfulness, NaBloPoMo1 Comment

I think I’ve been pretty good with money overall. But I do have some big-ass goals related to paying down the demand loan on my building and those extra payments aren’t going to make themselves, ya know?

One of the first things I’m looking at to increase mindfulness in my life is to become more mindful about my spending (again). In the bad old, sad old days, I was used to having to sweat over every little purchase. It was not fun.

Living on my own now, I actually have more money at my disposal than when I was married, thanks to no longer carrying two properties while also paying for a masters degree and supporting husband #2’s dream of becoming a golf pro (a seasonal, minimum wage venture while apprenticing). Huh, go figure. Thus for the last few years I’ve been enjoying not having to think too much where the money was going to come from when an idea/item took my fancy. (Kayaks, I am looking at you!)

A while back I read an excellent post on how, in our consumerist culture, we are brainwashed into thinking we can save money by spending money. This was embraced by husband #1 – it used to make me crazy to have to scrimp on ~~groceries~~ everything only to have him come home with some expensive new ~~toy~~ tool and proclaim how much money he saved by buying it.

Like the whole second-hand sewing machine vs. motorcycle debacle. In the early days of our marriage (1981, I believe), I asked if he thought we could afford to get me a used sewing machine I saw listed in the newspaper ($150) and he said we couldn’t afford it right now. I was disappointed but agreed to wait. Not even three weeks later he comes home late from work and tells me he bought a motorcycle ($3500). Even put on his big boy pants and went and got a loan – all by his little self – without so much as a hint to me as to what he was doing/thinking. But he got SUCH A GREAT DEAL!

So I did what any good wife would do. Ran right out to the mall and came home with a brand new ~~designer wardrobe~~ sewing machine ($250). Good times, good times. Good thing I’m “over” it. Yup. (See yesterday’s post.)

Back to the Now: The post I mentioned above – on Our Next Life – resonated with me so much that I still remember it, weeks later. It really is worth the time to click through the link and read about how this couple “fostered a new mindset” instead. AND, their spending went down and savings increased when they weren’t hunting for the best deal when considering a purchase. Mind. Blown.

Like Mrs. ONL, I have been spending this past week ruthlessly unsubscribing from store emails – at a rate of about 5-10 per day!

Some were easy…some I struggled with because, well….oh look, such pretty things from a favourite retailer… I love a deal as much as any red-blooded woman.

These Inbox temptresses were arriving daily with one purpose only: to create a desire to purchase that didn’t exist in me until I opened them up.

Hey yeah, I’ve been meaning to get me one of those, and look – it’s on sale with free shipping if I spend more than $50! What else can I buy to take advantage of the free shipping? Look at all the money I’m saving by buying this thing I had no idea I “needed” until I READ. THIS. EMAIL.

Free shipping and returns?

Code for 50% off on EVERYTHING IN THE STORE/ONLINE?

BOGO?

NOGO! Get thee behind me, Satan! I unsubscribe you. Back to the sooty depths of the spam folder, where you belong!

Yeah. So I’m letting that shit go.

Money mindfulness for a Mindful Monday.

Rock on,

The WB

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Pay Attention When You Have a Violent Reaction to Something

On November 19, 2017November 20, 2017 By Widow BadassIn Hmmm?, Mindfulness, Music, NaBloPoMo5 Comments

On Friday I made a post of some favourite Canadian music artists of mine. I deliberately left off one very talented artist because of one song that just makes me gnash my teeth whenever I hear it.

City and Colour – The Girl. Go ahead and take a listen. I’ll be here when you come back.

A lot of people love this song. They think it is tender and romantic. It makes my blood boil.

Dallas Green sings: You sacrifice so much of your life in order for this to work.

And: If you were to leave; fulfil someone else’s dreams, I think I might totally be lost.

I end up mentally (or actually, if I’m alone) screaming whenever this song comes on the radio:

Oh yeah, what about her own fucking dreams, huh?! Why is The Girl’s only purpose to fulfil someone else’s dreams? What about her own dreams? Why does she have to sacrifice so much of her own fucking life to make the relationship work? Where is your sacrifice, Dude?!?!

Lately I’ve been thinking about this violent reaction I have to what most people would say is a gentle and loving tribute to someone in the artist’s life.

If you’re acquainted with this blog or know me in person, you’re probably shaking your head right now and thinking it’s so bloody obvious. And yes, it is to me now. I hate the lyrics in this song because It. Is. About. Me.

I’m the one who sacrificed her own dreams for most of my adult life to support the two husbands I committed to. Men who either were or would have been totally lost (at least temporarily) when/if I left.

So I’m furious with this song because it reminds me that I alone allowed this to happen. I willingly drank the Kool-Aid. And I’m still not at peace with myself for doing this. Although it is getting better.

A valuable lesson for me to remember: that when I have a violent reaction to something that doesn’t warrant that much emotion there is some inner work I need to do.

My apologies to City and Colour for omitting them from my Friday post. It’s not you; it’s me. Really.

Rock on,

The WB

The Breakfast of Epic Proportions

On November 18, 2017 By Widow BadassIn Adventures in Food, NaBloPoMo2 Comments

Breakfast is my favourite meal of the day. But I only get to enjoy it to the fullest on the weekends, usually.

Weekday mornings I’m just not hungry enough before I have to leave for work, or otherwise too cramped for time to truly savour this meal.

But today is Saturday and once again I prepared THE BREAKFAST OF EPIC PROPORTIONS. Just a little name I give to the types of breakfasts I like to have…hehehe.

Behold:

This is everything I love about food, in one bowl.

I found a recipe on Ye Olde Interwebs earlier this week and vowed to make it at my earliest opportunity.

Paleo Oven Pancake with Bacon – makes 4 ~~generous~~ epic servings

You know breakfast is epic if it can carry you through to supper.

Rock on,

The WB

12 Canadian Artists I’m Loving Right Now

On November 17, 2017November 17, 2017 By Widow BadassIn Good Times, Music, NaBloPoMo1 Comment

We’re not just about Celine Dion, Nickleback and Justin Bieber here in the Great White North, ya know?

I may have mentioned this before on Ye Olde Blogge: I am loving and appreciating the Canadian alternative music scene like never before. It’s always been great IMHO, but lately the quantity and quality of music is just blowing my mind.

Here are just some of the current crop of Canadian bands/artists that I think are just great, in no particular order. Check them out!

First up, Hollerado:

Serena Ryder:

Bleeker:

Mother Mother:

The Glorious Sons:

The Zolas:

July Talk:

USS:

The Darcys:

Monster Truck:

The Sheepdogs:

And of course, Arcade Fire:

Rock on, eh!

The WB

Throwback Thursday – The Jersey Boys

On November 16, 2017November 16, 2017 By Widow BadassIn Good Times, I Got Married, NaBloPoMo2 Comments

This week a memorable date in Widow Badass-ology came and went. On November 14 it was the 4th anniversary of my becoming a widow. I’ve already discussed that recently, and in various places all over the blog – use the search feature if interested – so I didn’t feel like writing about it again so soon.

Except to say that I have such mixed feelings about that date… Is it my birthday? Is it a sad day? It was the day my life took a drastic turn. It was the day I got my life and freedom back. It was the day I lost someone I once thought of as a soul mate. It was the day another human being close to me left this life far too early. So many conflicting feelings, all of them valid. Which I am OK now to acknowledge, and move on.

In thinking about what to write today for NaBloPoMo, I was coming up empty so I thought I’d do a Throwback Thursday to a happier November 14th.

November 14, 2015 – My mom had come to ~~live~~ die with me by this point. The chemo wasn’t working anymore and she had had enough. Months before all this had happened I had bought tickets to take her to see Jersey Boys – a musical Mom had long expressed interest in seeing. Then my aunt came to spend some time with her sister one last time in October of that year. Mom really wanted Tante to come to the show as well. So flights were changed and another ticket was sought out.

My friend, Mizzuz J, Me, Mom and Tante waiting for the show to begin.

Tante had a brilliant idea to get the cast of the Jersey Boys to come out to say hi to Mom after the show. So she somehow got backstage at Intermission and made it happen. What a woman!