After my last post, aren’t you glad this one is wordless? 😉
Happy Solstice, Merry Christmas, and rock safely on!
The WB
Author: Widow Badass
What IF Jesus Was A Girl?
Looking back on Ye Olde Blogge, it seems like December has brought out the rant in me in years past. I thought this year might be different seeing as I am now retired and living in Chillax Central (AKA Vancouver Island, British Columbia). Pandemic notwithstanding, I have little to rant about.
Or so I thought.
Yesterday I happened on Facebook (I know, my first mistake…sigh) and up in my feed came a cartoon meme being shared by a female pastor I know and respect, despite not sharing her Christian belief system.
Here it is, with the original poster’s details erased, to protect the guilty:
Well, at least the shepherd looks happy to be spreading this news…
I was shocked, hurt and dismayed to see this being paraded around as humour. By someone I thought would be as offended by this as I was. And I was just a wee bit TRIGGERED OUTTA MY EVER-LOVIN’ MIND.
I let the pastor poster (sorry!) know that this was upsetting to me and she made a general response that it was only a joke and we all could use a laugh these days. Stockholm Syndrome, much? I wonder…especially since a lot of other females joined in to reassure her that it was indeed VERY FUNNY. YES, A VERITABLE LAFF RIOT. Har dee fucking har har.
The Patriarchy is strong with these ones.
Which only triggered me further because I wish I had a dollar for every time a man told me (after insulting me or my gender) that it was only a joke, how about lightening up?; and by the way, you look way prettier when you smile.
So guess what, dear Bloggie? You’re gettin’ a rant for Christmas this year after all! It’s a Christmas-fucking-miracle. HAH!
I just couldn’t explain to this pastor how offensive and inappropriate I find this cartoon to be. (I was too upset. I still am.) How it reads that having a girl baby Jesus is lumped right up there with all of the terrible things that have happened in 2020.
What else could possibly go wrong? What next? OMG – YES! How very wrong – a girl is born to Mary and Joseph instead of a boy!!! Will this fucking year of horrors never end?!?!?
Or maybe – just maybe – the cartoon is saying that Jesus couldn’t possibly be born into a female body. How ludicrous, after all! I mean, really. The Daughter of God? It is not to be borne. Therefore a punchline of “It’s a girl!” means “no soup saviour for you”?
Well, gosh golly gee shucks, that ain’t funny to me either.
I wonder what the pastor would say if a little girl from her congregation came to her and asked her to explain where the humour is in this cartoon.
“I want in on the joke. What’s funny/awful/wrong about Mary having a girl baby instead of a boy?”
I want to know too. I’ll wait. I love a good laugh!
Well, while we’re waiting – Let’s play a game.
Let us imagine a world where Jesus was born as and/or identified as a girl. I know, I know. Awful, right? Bear with me. Hold my hand if necessary. How would that world look? I think the chatter around Girl Jesus would go something like this:
Girl Jesus throws over the moneychangers’ tables in the temple: Why do they always have to get so emotional? This is why you can’t put them in positions of authority. Looks like someone’s on the rag, again. Yeah, someone needs to get laid.
Girl Jesus changes water into wine: That’s not how you do it. Here, let me show you how it’s supposed to be done. I’m the expert on this type of miracle. What could you possibly know about this?
Girl Jesus enacts the miracle of the loaves and the fishes: This is nothing. You should see how my wife can stretch a meal when my cousins drop by. You call this a miracle?
Girl Jesus hangs out with prostitutes and the poor, not mention all of those male disciples: She’s a slut. I bet she spreads her legs for those followers of her every night. I heard she told them “I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved.” I’d like to enter HER gate – know what I mean? C’mon, baby! Come on over here and “save” your daddy.
Girl Jesus explains how she will be betrayed, at the Last Supper: As if! What a drama queen! Someone please put this bitch on The Real Housewives of Gethsemane.
Girl Jesus rises from the dead after 3 days: I told you she was faking. It was all in her head. She wasn’t really dying on that cross. She just wanted the attention. Crazy bitch!
Yeah, yeah, I know. None of this would ever likely come to pass.
BECAUSE GIRL JESUS WOULD HAVE BEEN STONED TO DEATH FOR BEING A WITCH AFTER THE FIRST MIRACLE. THAT’S WHY.
You know I’m right.
Because 2020! Amiright??? 😉
Whew! I don’t know about you, but I feel better now. Ranting IS so good for my damned the soul. HAH!
Rock your merry little selves on,
The WB
December Culinary Faves and Fails #virtualteaparty2020
Well, it wouldn’t be 2020 if I wasn’t having some tasty yet spectacular fails in the kitchen, now would it?
First up – my attempt to make a dupe for Claxton Fruit Cake. Gluten-free, no less. I kinda mashed together the best bits of 2 copycat recipes I found on Ye Olde Interwebs, and was generous with some Kraken.
This no-bake fruitcake tastes very similar to what I remember of Claxton fruitcakes, but is very sticky and goopy, and super sweet. I blame the sweetened condensed milk. It was definitely NOT THE RUM I GENEROUSLY EMBELLISHED THE RECIPE WITH. Next year I will use less of the milk and keep the rum…maybe even add more rum. So there.
I tried to use up all the fruitcake mistake as best as I could. Created a trifle out of the damned thing and foisted it upon my “bubble”. It was well received.
Other fails from this month include repeated attempts to make rustic, gluten-free loaves of bread, with yeast. Otherwise known as “doorstops”. No picture can capture the true extent of the denseness of these bread fails. The black holes of baking.
Moving on.
One of my successes was rum balls (requested by my daughter). Except I couldn’t get the chocolate hail to stick to the balls as I was rolling them in the hail. But you know what solved that problem? MORE KRAKEN. Hehehe!
And then there was my attempt to make gluten-free boterkoek (Dutch butter cake). I just subbed GF flour for regular – the rest of the recipe stayed the same.
And then there was an old standby (and much needed by this point): Homemade Irish Cream Liqueur. AKA Bailey’s. My only change to this recipe was to use an espresso shot instead of instant coffee. Because I has the technology!
I’m done baking for now. Until just before Christmas, when I promised to make a black forest trifle for the day itself. A recipe I haven’t attempted since I was newly married (the FIRST time) and didn’t know any better had the time and energy to create it entirely from scratch. Even the custard.
Pray for me.
Thank you for joining me in this month’s Virtual Tea Party – hosted by Del and Su.
Rock on,
The WB
Neck Point Park in November
A Silent Saturday post.
Rock on,
The WB
A Most Delicious Fail #virtualteaparty2020
I’ve long wanted to make to make a lemon and almond flour cake like this. When a friend posted a link to a recipe for just such a delight on her Facebook page, I was all over it like white on rice. The recipe is called Nonna’s Limoncello and Ricotta Almond Cake, and is gluten-free. I drew up a shopping list on my To-Do app, and I was off to the races!
My first hurdle was not being able to source a spring-form pan at the Superstore. I was so convinced I’d be able to find one there – I even had it in my mind that I had seen said pan there – yet there were none to be found. So I had to come up with a work-around and decided I would use my recently purchased silicone cake pan, instead. Which worked perfectly well, even though it was a bit of a process getting the cake transferred from the pan to a pretty plate.
I excitedly put the kettle on. I poured myself a delicious cup of English Breakfast, and remembered to take another photo before digging into my Instagram-worthy beauty of a cake.
And then, this happened.
I know exactly what I did wrong (well, I’m pretty sure I know) so that my cake would not hold together. It was thoroughly baked. I even added an extra 10 minutes of baking time (because my oven be that way) and when I took it from the oven it was already starting to pull away from the edges of the pan.
What I did was this: add extra liquid to the batter in the form of lemon juice. The recipe called for limoncello and lemon zest only. But I had read some of the comments – where at least one person remarked that it wasn’t lemony enough – and I was going to make damned sure this cake was lemoned up for the gods! So not only did I zest that lemon…I extracted its juice and threw it in the mixing bowl along with everything else.
Next version of this cake will still have the additional lemon juice added in – you can count on that. But I may omit the limoncello. Or add a bit of gluten-free flour, to balance the additional liquid.
There is definitely going to be another version of this cake. It will probably become a go-to recipe as it ticks all the boxes for a delicious dessert IMHO, and especially because it reminds me of my favourite Dutch almond filling for baked goods.
Thank you for joining me in this month’s Virtual Tea Party – hosted by Del and Su. It turned out to be a most delicious fail, and a fun one at that.
Rock on,
The WB
Not Safe for Work…or Anywhere Else
Yet my inner 14 year old is feeling calmed and cleansed by this latest offering from Little Big…I can’t stop chanting the chorus. I find it absolutely cathartic. I hope it does the same for you. If not…well, please just unclutch those pearls and click away from ye olde blogge.
This continues to be a strange week and I am on pins and needles along with my US friends. My fervent hope is for a peaceful and safe return to decency, kindness, science-based decision making, and love – instead of fear, lies and hatred. And the end of this 4 year nightmare known as the Trump Presidency.
Rock on,
The WB
Silent Saturday – Halloween Blue Moon 2020
All photos and video taken at Neck Point Park, Nanaimo.
Rock on,
The WB
Wordless Wednesday: Mainland Trip – to Grand Forks and Back
Rock on,
The WB
(Almost) Wordless But Not Whale-less Wednesday
If you’ve been reading Ye Olde Blogge for a while, you may remember that I have been on a fruitless search for whale-sightings ever since Newfoundland. Either I was on the ocean and not seeing them, or I had tours booked that were cancelled at the last minute. It was kinda frustrating then, when the Thanksgiving Monday tour that had been booked with a company out of Duncan, B.C. was also cancelled at the last moment, due to not enough customers to warrant the excursion. Thanks to some quick-thinking by Donna of Retirement Reflections within moments she had us booked with Aboriginal Journeys, out of Campbell River. And thus the day was saved, in the most spectacular way, and the whale-sighting drought was over!
Let the pictures (and the videos) do the talkin’!
And you KNOW there is going to be a next time!
Rock on,
The Whale-Watchin’ WB
Welcome to the New(ish) Block Editor, I think?
It has come to the attention to the staff of Widow Badass Industries that there is a lot of angst out there in the blogging community, regarding the WordPress Block (alias Gutenberg) Editor. Apparently, it is not a choice anymore, but something that has been foisted (love that word) upon us. I can definitely see how this would enrage upset throw a spanner in the works complicate what a blogger might innocently approach as their next sit down and hammer out a quick post session.
Let’s face it – time is precious, people hate change, and who has the fucking time wants to add learning something new to their day, unexpectedly. Add this to everything else that is unsettling/enraging in the world right now (global pandemic, Trump presidency, climate change, flat-earthers, anti-vaxxers, anti-maskers, white supremacists…you get the picture), and this Block Editor could very well be the proverbial LAST STRAW for many of us. Don’t let it be! There is help out there. There is some help here!
Disclaimer: I am no Gutenberg expert, even after all this time. But I do have the basics down.
Here at Widow Badass Industries, the Block Editor was adopted quite a while ago (over a year at least) and I for one, would never go back to the old way. I lurves it, people! And I hope you all eventually lurves it too, as I think it is a great improvement over ye olde classique editor.
Initially for this post, I was going to take a bunch of screen shots and try to illustrate a few of the features some are having trouble finding – let alone using – in the new editor. But then I remembered what helped me so much in the beginning: watching YouTube videos on the subject! And here, my blogging friends, is a good ‘un, to get you started.
What’s lovely about video is that you can start it and stop it and watch it over and over again as you build up your skills with the new Block Editor. Pro tip: Watch it on your phone, smart TV or tablet as you do your own exploring/playing with the new editor on your laptop or desktop. Christina has already taught me some cool shit things that I had no idea the new editor can do. There are more videos of this nature on YouTube, if this one doesn’t do it for you. Just type “using the block editor” in the YouTube search bar and see what pops up, like I did!
Christina even shows people how to keep on using the classic editor. Don’t do this people, if you can help it. Might as well rip the bandage off as soon as you can. In the video she mentions that the classic editor will be “sunsetted” in 2022, so it is inevitable – you will be making the switch to the Block Editor eventually, if you stick with WordPress. Why not do it sooner rather than later? You can’t mix and mingle, shop or eat out in the normal ways anymore, anyways. Give yourself an hour and dip a toe into the shallow end of the Gutenberg pool. The water is quite fine, actually!
This public service announcement has been brought to you by the fine folk at Widow Badass Industries. Who take no prisoners responsibility for whatever happens next, to you. 😉
Rock on,
The WB
