January 19, 2017 Update
Once upon a time I started blogging about my life and thoughts. I would start a little blog, make a couple of posts and then forget about it.
I became serious about it in the year leading up to my wedding in 2010 (The Next Year of My Life). I wanted to capture all of my thoughts and moments as I prepared to marry for the 2nd time, at my advanced bridal age of 51. I called myself Mizz D.
I decided I liked it so much I kept blogging after the wedding. Soon I had created my very own space on the web (Hete Bliksem). Then, in 2012 my husband and I adopted an ancestral diet with great success and in February 2013 I created yet another blog (Primal of Life), with the intention of focusing more on the benefits of eating clean, whole foods. Made two, count ’em, two whole new posts on that particular blog.
Meanwhile, outside of cyberspace, my husband had developed this nagging cough that just wouldn’t go away since he became violently ill with the flu on New Year’s Day, 2013. In fact, it kept getting worse. On May 2 (the day after his 54th birthday) we learned that it was Stage 4 Lung Cancer. No, he never smoked.
What followed was a blur of doctor visits, diagnostic procedures, hospitalizations, medication schedules, and research, research, research. I can’t tell you much of what the summer of 2013 was like. Was it even hot and sunny? I do remember wearing certain summer outfits to work and to the hospital so it must have been.
On November 14, despite the praying, the hoping, and the religious adherence to the latest and greatest advice on how to outsmart this cancer thing, my darling husband succumbed to his disease. And I became a widow at age 54, after barely 3 years of marriage to my soul mate. (Yeah, that sounds pretty cliché, doesn’t it? Soul mate, huh? But he really was that, for me.)
Then a couple of months after his death – while I was trying to dig out from the (literally) tons of crap he left behind – I came across some printouts of emails between JD and a woman. Turns out my darling husband, my soul mate, had been cheating on me with at least one other woman during our relationship AND while we were living together. Turns out she thought he was single and was convinced they had a future together. I logged onto his computer, did some digging and found out this had gone on for 18 months. She found out about me and kicked him to the curb but didn’t think I needed to be informed. And of course HE didn’t come clean about it either. So our relationship continued unabated and we proceeded to get married.
And his OCD got worse and I was put through more and more hell as a result. But, as I was kept in the dark about the cheating and other things, I stood by my man. For better or worse, in sickness and in health, right?
So, it’s been a few years now since he passed. I have settled into AND am LOVING my new life. I have never been happier. All’s well that end’s well, right? Except that the story is far from ended. In a lot of ways, I feel my story, my life is just beginning!
Due to all that I have been through, I find I have developed a wee bit of a no-nonsense, take-no-prisoners attitude in my dealings with my life and this world. I like it. I call my alter-ego, this new persona: The Widow Badass.
Signed, the Artist Formerly Known As Mizz D…currently living la vida loca as:
The Widow Badass
I came across your blog by way of a comment on a blog we both follow. I had to check it out as anyone with that name “widow badass” is definitely someone worth reading, right there.
Heartbreaking to read about the tragic premature interruption of life. My heart truly goes out to you…. So very sorry for your loss. So very sad. But how wonderful to have had true love even if for a short period of time…
Peta
Hey thanks Peta. Sorry for the tardy reply but for some reason I did not get notification of your comment and I have been neglecting ye olde blogge for some time now.
But now I’m back, at least for the month of November. Thanks again for your sweet words!
Hi! Just visiting from NaBloPoMo and decided to check out your about pages first. I think we must be soul sisters because so much of what you said resonates deeply with me. I’m not a widow, but I do have two failed marriages behind me, and, much to my surprise, have discovered that I LOVE being on my own. I can’t wait to read your blog as I get more settled into my own!
Rock your bad self on, Kim! Thanks for visiting, and thanks for the comment!
Hi Deb. After I saw your lovely comment on my new role with the Changing Seasons challenge, I had to pop over and try to get to know you a bit.
And wow! What a shitty bunch of stuff to happen. But I’m really glad you’ve come through it stronger and in a better place.
I love your blog name and am looking forward to seeing more of your posts (including The Changing Seasons I hope).
Cheers
Su
Great, Su! Thanks for visiting and the comment!
🙂
Just stumbled on to your blog from a comment you left and had to check this out. Wow, life has not been kind to you in the past – but kudos for moving on and becoming a Badass – I love it! Look forward to following you.
Thank you!
Wow! What a story! I cannot imagine going through what you did with your husband. And I’m glad you came through it with a badass attitude! – Molly
Thank you, Molly! You know what they say…what doesn’t kill you and all that…
I just came across your comment on another blog and look forward to hearing more from you and how you are moving forward. That is an awful blow to find out on top of being a widow. hope you are doing well today.
Thank you very much! I am doing well, actually…after a lot of cursing, yelling, and a little therapy. I still occasionally curse and yell, but no longer need therapy (or so I tell myself). Hehehe! 🙂
Oh. My. God. Seriously? I can’t imagine the ups and downs you must have gone through. What a slap in the face. Good on you for coming out of the whole experience with an “I will survive” attitude. It sounds like it’s time to just do you. Continue kicking ass in your newfound single status. I admire you. Rock on!
Thank you very much Patti! Sorry for the late reply – your comment ended up in my Spam folder.
Bloody Helllll!!!! Deb, just…OH MY GOD! Well, all I can say is, I hope you’re doing whatever you want to do in life! Glad I came across your blog, looking forward to reading more 🌸
Thank you Sam! I am trying to live my best life now, as they say, and loving every bit of it!!!!
That was one awesome story.
I swear our lives are novels I’m happy you are embracing your newest chapter but I’m sad your husband chose the path that he did. All of us guys are guilty of swallowing the stupid pill but some of us swallow the whole damn bottle.
Fun stuff you have over here. Life is for the living. Be happy.
Thanks Bryan! I am so happy now it should be illegal. If I could bottle it to share, I would. 😁
Hi Deb – I’m back to blogging after several months absence – and thought I’d say “hey” and that I think I can learn something from you. Plus, you are pals with My Life Lived Full – so, that’s a GREAT endorsement.
Greetings!
Maggie
Hi Maggie, thanks! I hope we can learn from each other. I look forward to reading your blog!
Deb
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Am sorry to read about the early departure of your far from perfect husband #2 from this realm, but far more so for the pain you suffered from his passing and infidelity. Luckily, you’ve remerged from that stronger than ever. Your take-no-prisoners approach to life will carry you far. I’ve only just met you here, but the strength of your sprit jumps out from those selfies with Joanne.
Thank you very much Lisa!
You go girl! We discovered you on Lisa’s blog. Your attitude is refreshing! Keep marching to a different beat, you will go far.
Cheers,
John and Susan
Why thank you very much for the kind words and the visit! I’m gonna check out your blog too!
I sense a feisty approach to life, and that you are facing new challenges head on. I was talking to someone yesterday and he mentioned he was losing motivation. I asked him what challenges he had taken on recently. I know that when we challenge ourselves we seem to enjoy life more, whether it be a new fitness challenge, learning tai chi or joining toastmasters I think people only coast downhill. We need challenges.
You are not coasting in my opinion, and the wine glass is half full, not half empty. – Take care, David
Just got around to reading your about page. Woah. Quite the story. Glad I discovered your blog.
Thank you, Jonathan! 💕
When I saw the name “Widow Badass” on Janis’s blog, I absolutely HAD to come visit!
Welcome! 💕
The things one can view via the actual computer is very different than on the phone. I now see your land acknowledgement, other blogs you follow, the WOYBP and WOYBS plus Instragram (my widget quit working and now i am struggling to put it back on). I knew most of your “about story” from various back ones I read but wow you for such a great attitude to the shit that life has thrown you. Bernie
Thank you Bernie 💕
Well damn! (just now reading your ‘about.’ That’s a heck of a roller coaster. First of all, I’m sorry for the cancer piece, no fun for anyone, even a two timer soulmate. But I’m glad you’ve decided to enjoy the life you have now. And with a kick-ass spirit as well! That’s the way to do it!
Thank you very much, Dawn 💕 I absolutely love my life now. I don’t much like how I got here, but I’m glad I got here and who I am as a result of what I went through.