WARNING: Please click away if your nerves are far too delicate to read about bathrooms and associated functions.
Remember back at the beginning of the pandemic when everyone was losing their minds and all sorts of craziness was happening? We were all so scared and unsure of what was going to happen next. And some scoundrels tried to buy up all the essentials, leading to shortages of everything and the people were going on Facebook to beg for toilet paper AS THERE WAS NONE TO BE HAD IN ALL THE LAND? Yeah, thanks a lot hoarders! Gone through your stockpile(s) yet, jerkwads?
Well, around that time I began chatting regularly online with a bunch of blogger friends via Zoom and the topic of bidets came up during one session, and how great they were to use and – especially – how you didn’t need all that much toilet paper if you used one. I remember researching bidets at that time – along with the rest of the universe, apparently – and although I could find information on them, there were none to be had as demand has far outstripped supply. Go figure. Sigh. Turns out I had just enough TP to get me through until the shelves were restocked, so I promptly forgot all about bidets once the GREAT TP SHORTAGE OF 2020 was over.
Fast forward to present day: I somehow severely fucked up strained my back muscles last week. I could hardly move and when I absolutely had to move it was groan-out-loud painful (sorry, neighbours!). We are talking A STRUGGLE to put on socks and underwear, and to get from lying down to sitting to standing and vice versa.
And did you know how much you need to involve your back muscles in order to thoroughly wipe your nether regions clean after using the toilet? Let me elucidate you, in case you didn’t already know: IT’S A LOT, ACTUALLY. IT’S QUITE A LOT.
I was bitching complaining chatting about this very thing with my massage therapist this past week when she said those 3 magic words that sent me running back to Amazon: GET A BIDET.
I bravely started to do the install after reading the instructions and putting my talented son-in-law on speed dial, just in case.
And then, dear Badassians, it all went to shit wrong. Trying to affix the t-valve to the toilet tank….water leaking everywhere once I turned it back on! So I undid everything and tried to put the toilet back together as it was before I started messing with it. No good. Still spraying water everywhere. I shut the water valve off yet again and frantically called the SIL, who came right over and diagnosed the problem!
First – as I suspected – it was partly the blame of the shitty plastic wrench included in the kit. Although I thought I was behaving like a pretty poor workman blaming the tool and all that, but whatevs. Second – and completely related to the first – when I was tightening the t-valve I was loosening the fitting coming from the toilet at the same time. Thankfully SIL came prepared with a REAL wrench and his big man hands and a less sore back than mine, and soon there was this:
After thanking SIL profusely and seeing him out the door, it was time to take Ye Olde Bidet for its (and my) maiden voyage. I want to say it was a dry run, as I didn’t actually need to use the facilities, but “dry” is not the right word when describing how a bidet is supposed to work.
It has taken some finessing (one must develop a technique; some skill, as it were), but overall I am quite happy with this upgrade to Ye Olde Water Closet. In the succinct words word of someone named Brad (see quote on box, above), this bidet addition is:
“FANTASSTIC!’
Rock on,
The WB
Hum was wondering if these things are any good. Do they use a lot of water? Should that be a concern or does it save the world in other ways like less paper use? Anyway I’m interested in having a better way to clean my personal pooper after use.
It will clean more than your pooper, if you shift position, sis 😉. Mine does not use a lot of water…I have excellent water pressure so less is definitely more! I already love this bidet 😍 and don’t hesitate to recommend it. Thanks 💕
Well, that was a fun read! Thanks for the first chuckle of the day!
By the way, sorry about the wrecked back – hope that gets resolved soon!
I’m already doing much better, Maggie. Thanks 💕
Ouch! Back pain ain’t no fun. I hope you’re starting to feel better.
The brand of bidet you bought is the same brand I bought and installed about a year ago. I think it cost me about $40 U.S. It’s still working, and working well. I agree about developing a certain finesse, as the water pressure could saw a person in half. But it does its job and saves a lot of toilet paper.
Yes! Mine cost $50 CDN and money well spent. I am getting the hang of it, and my back is slowly getting better too. Thanks, TG 💕
That’s it, I’m getting one. The best are in Japan….heated seats, multiple water pressures, water temps…ahhhh mazing!
Oh, I have heard so many good things about Japanese toilets! We are so uncivilized and backward in comparison 🤣. Thanks, Pam 💕
Thanks, I needed that! Quite expressive photos! I hope your back is feeling better soon!
Hehehe! Thanks, Tracey 💕 I am slowly but surely coming back to normal with regards to my back.
Your face says it all. Congrats! And may I be the first to wish you and your bidet many happy years together.
( side note, spellcheck kept changing bidet to buddy… which when you think about it, works just as well. )
👍
If you can’t call something that gets that intimate with you a “buddy”, then who can you call one???? It does work, perfectly! Thanks, Rivergirl 💕
You’ve taken a step forward that I’m hesitant to do. I applaud you and hope that you and your bidet have a long happy life together.
Thank you, Ally 💕 I think you might want to take this step. I love my bidet already.
Hmmm…I’ve always thought about them but then it’s gets complicated. I suspect the water is cold. I’d like a heated dunk myself. Funny post and great facial expressions!
The water is indeed cool! There are fancier versions out there (with heat options) but they require electricity and I don’t have an outlet anywhere near “the throne”. Maybe something to consider if you decide to do a bathroom renovation? Thanks, Kate 💕
OMG, what a great post! I’ve been thinking about getting a bidet for a while. Thanks!
It hasn’t been 24 hours yet, and I am already wondering what took me so long to get a bidet! Thanks, Ellie 💕
I looked at them as well last year, but discovered we’d need an electrician to put in an outlet so I could have heated options. I’d definitely want heated options! So, we didn’t get one not wanting to have anyone in the house back then.
We should probably revisit the idea again.
I hope your back feels better soon, and you and bidet have many good years together.
I’d love a fancier one someday but as I am renting my current abode, this one will do just nicely for now. Thank you, Deborah 💕 My back is steadily improving.
My good friend has a bidet in every single one of her bathrooms! She described them as “life-changing.” I need to hop on this train. 😉
Your facial expressions, by the way, are priceless.
Hehehe! Glad you like them. I like to make people smile and, luckily for me, the silly comes natural. 🤪 Life-changing is not too grandiose a term when it comes to a bidet, me thinks. Thanks, Kari 💕
FBL (full belly laugh) Deb! I swear by them too.
Leslie xoxo
Yes! I am a convert, not even 24 hours in! Why did I wait so long??? Thanks, Leslie 💕
OMG I can barely type this I am laughing so hard. Thank you for a VERY fun post and a HUGE morning chuckle! 😀
Hehehe! Happy to be of service, Donna 😁 Thanks 💕
Lol! My house came with one and we removed it. It seemed USED. I wish I had it now. I hope your back is better.
Yes, my back is getting better! Thank you, Luanne 💕
Yay!
Hehehehe!! … every bit of this 😆 I KNEW you were going to love it 🙂 … although I admit I was holding my breath through the ‘water leaking everywhere’ phase.
You and me both, Joanne! Thankfully everything worked out in “the end” 😉. Thanks 💕
I feel a sense of pride knowing that I was the one to recommend bidets to the blogger Zoom group. First Joanne… then you. We’ve had ours for several years and the only negative is that we can’t bring it with us when we travel. I’m glad you got it installed and that you are – clearly – enjoying the experience.
As well you should, Janis! I didn’t want to give the complete deets as “what is said in the Zoom Room, stays in the Zoom Room” 😁, but happy to give you full props! It took a bit but yeah, I am now enjoying the experience…feelin’ FRESH and all that 😉. Thanks! 💕
I live in a Desert so how much water it used would be a consideration, but we have a Septic System on this Mini Farm of ours and so it would be better to not use as much TP. I’ll have to look into this as you’ve now got me thinking I NEED one! *LOL*
It’s a tiny little sprayer and you are in control of how strong and how long you spray so I think you can minimize the water usage…it’s not like it’s a rainfall shower in your toilet 😁. I think EVERYONE needs one now that I’ve come over to the “Bidet Side”. Thanks, Bohemian 💕
Don’t you need toilet paper to then dry said backside? and I had no idea you could retro fit a bidet to your existing toilet. I assumed they always had to be separate facilities!
I hope your back is better soon. It’s such a debilitating thing. Do any of your local crafters have really cool wheat bags?
Yes, you still need something to pat yourself dry with…unless you want to air dry? 😁 But you need much less. You could even just use a small cloth if you wanted to do away with TP altogether. What do you mean by a wheat bag, AJ? Do you mean a bag filled with grain that you could heat in the microwave or put in the freezer? If so, I do have one. I have been icing my back. Thanks💕
Yep, that’s what we call a wheat bag. 🙂
Hi Deb – well this really educated me … I didn’t realise they were hand-held … I thought they were separate items … don’t ask … but I was fascinated by your storyline here – especially those pics! And you are obviously hooked for ever … – wonderfully funny to read, while being educational for those in the back water of the TP era … cheers Hilary
I remember bidets being a separate item altogether, in posh bathrooms. I much prefer the idea of this integrated unit for many reasons…cheaper of course, but also one less fixture to keep clean in the bathroom. And the idea of having to move from one fixture to another as part of one’s bathroom routine always seemed a tad awkward. Yep, I am a convert! 😁Thanks, Hilary 💕
Best laugh of the week so far! You really got me at it all going to shit. lol. Glad you got it installed in the end, so to speak. – Marty
🤣 Yes, it all turned out well “in the end”, Marty 😉 Thank you 💕
Well if Brad said it was Fantasstic, who are we to argue? I’m all about your facial expressions!
When we redid our master bathroom about 10 years ago, I really wanted an authentic one next to our regular toilet, (butt) I think *someone* talked me out of it.
Thanks for sharing!
Absolutely! Brad wasn’t wrong. Thanks, Suz 💕
This is too funny! I remember you bringing up the bidet in one of your previous post. I’m glad you made the decision to expand your horizons. Looks and sounds refrassing. 🙂
Quite refreshing, Liesbet! I am used to the cool water spray now, and no longer have to brace myself 🥶. In fact, I look forward to it. Move over, Wim Hof! Thanks 💕
I had to look up Wim Hof, as he sounded Dutch. Very interesting!! You know a lot of fascinating people. 🙂
Well, I don’t know him…but I know “of him”. Thanks, Liesbet 💕
I needed this chuckle in the middle of my insomniac night! Your facial expressions! I am super impressed you could operate said bidet and take selfies at the same time – all with a sore back! Yep you are one clean badass woman!!
Hehehe! Thanks, Bernie 💕
Like you I had never figured out the shuffle from the toilet to the bidet thing. This makes more sense although I am not convinced we are installing one! I can imagine the mess our grandson would make with it!!
Little boys and anything toilet-related 😱😂
He’s a mischievous little tyke but I love him to pieces!
Hi Deb, I pressed the “pause button” on blogging for now because of some personal reasons. I will still visit blogs when I can.
I read your blog when it first arrived to my inbox and I almost peed myself laughing. Appropriate response fitting the theme. 😊Also, fascinating and inspirational how you installed this Bidet. Yes, happy butts. I hope your back is getting better! Hugs! And, thank you for my smile.💕
You are most welcome, Erica! Sorry to read that you have to press pause…hopefully this too will pass. Please reach out to me if I can help in any way 🤗. Yes, the back is getting better. Thanks 💕
I had no idea you could add a bidet attachment to a normal toilet. I must hasten away to Amazon, as I suffer likewise. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve had a back spasm during that lovely task, and your photos have encouraged me to believe that this work.
Mind you, in this house we already have a decidedly dangerous toilet seat as “someone” decided to buy the cheap one which didn’t come with metal fittings. It’s in the ensuite which is for my exclusive use, so I’ve now purchased the more expensive one which does. I wonder if I should put my “reminding” on hold till the bidet fitting arrives so he can do it all at once 😀
Definitely do both at the same time, Debs! You will love the bidet attachment. Thanks 💕
PS: Glad to see via the comments that your back is improving. Long may that continue 🙂
Thank you, Debs 💕 I hope that it continues too, but I am a little worried as this is the 2nd episode in the last 6 months. Worriesome.
Has anybody suggested some exercises specifically to strengthen the muscles involved? Delighted to read you’re improving, but not happy to hear this is a repeat performance.
Grateful to you for all this detail on the bidet thingey. Someone had suggested it to me back when TP was non-existent down here. Still undecided … Your piccies are priceless! 😆
I’ve been told to do some stretches for my hip muscles (hips were quite out of alignment) and I’ve found that engaging my abdominals helps take strain off my back too. Loving the bidet…I don’t ever want to be without one, now! Thank you, Del 💕
Brought back memories, especially your facial expressions. I once rented a home which had one, separate though. Having never seen one before and being in my 20’s at the time I could only assume it was some sort of foot spa and used it very occasionally as such with a bit of mess. Only after a more experienced/posh girlfriend of mine came to spend time did I learn its true purpose as her mother had one. I tried it-oohs and aahs. You have now resurrected a memory and given me ideas for my next home.
Keep stretching!
I once stayed at an AirBnB with a separate bidet. As I had never seen one before, I leaned over the bowl and turned it on to see how it worked 🤣. You don’t make that mistake a second time, unless you like being hit with a water jet in the face. So I can relate somewhat to your…um…adventures with a first encounter with a bidet 😁. Thank you 💕