Can You Go Home Again?

The days and weeks since my last post seem like a bit of a blur to me now. The day after my birthday, I left home to go camping with my daughter and her family in Ucluelet, and while I was there I received a message that my brother-in-law (in Ontario) was near the end of his brief and intense battle with cancer. Sure enough, he passed away the following day as I was making my way back to Nanaimo from the west coast of the island.

The next few days became a flurry of travel arrangements and packing. I arrived at the Victoria airport only to find out my direct flight had been cancelled 20 minutes after I left the house. So yet more arrangements had to be made to ensure I made it back to Ontario in time to pay my last respects at the celebration of life that was planned. I flew out of Nanaimo the next day, with a stop to change planes in Calgary.

Sunrise. Leaving Vancouver Island on the first leg of the journey back to Ontario.

I did make it and in time, and with my luggage (whew!). I also tried to fit in as many visits with people as I could, since I was “in town”, anyways…in fact I had to extend my stay for a few extra days when I realized I would never be able to fit everyone in, otherwise. I consider myself so fortunate to have all of these good friends who made time for me, on such short notice. I was thrilled to be able to spend time with my son and his girlfriend (and my grand-doggy!), and on his birthday too!

I did not take pictures of any of these meetups (deliberately) as I wanted to just be in the moment with my friends and family. However, on the rare free evening I did get out on walks with my gracious and lovely hosts and I had my phone camera at the ready, then.

Speed River Sunset

I managed to get in an early morning solo walk too…on the trail I have been using for at least 55 years.

Beginning of trail
The new bridge had been installed. Read about the time I risked life and limb to walk on the old bridge 😉 , here.
What was gained in safety and accessibility was gained at the expense of the charm and beauty of the wooden bridge.
I feel like I am looking through the bars of a playpen…or a jail cell.
This is my “how do I feel about this new bridge” face.
Beautiful views soon distracted me from thoughts of the new bridge.

I made sure to say hello to all of my favourite trees.

I’ve still got my eye on you!
Kinda reminds me of The Scream

On my way back from my soul-restoring walk, enroute to my host’s abode I saw this vanity plate on a car.

I hope the owner is in on the irony.
Special shout out to this lady (and her hubs): my wonderful host and long-time friend (with her long-time pal – 30 years old and still wearing out much younger horses on their rides!)

After a jam-packed 9 days of seeing friends and family I was back on a plane heading west, exhausted but content.

Flying above the smoke from the wildfires during sunset, on the Calgary to Nanaimo leg of my journey.

Besides catching up with people, I learned a lot about myself on this trip back to the place I have called home for the previous 60 years of my life. Other than the people I left behind, I no longer have any attachments to my old stomping grounds. I even visited my old building (and the good friends who now occupy my former home there) and I felt…uh, nothing…nothing but curiosity and joy at seeing the changes/improvements being wrought. It’s like I never lived there…and yes, the me who I am today – in my new Island home – never did live there. Am I making sense?

They say you can’t go home again. And they are right…not because home has changed, but because YOU have.

Rock on,

The WB

55 thoughts on “Can You Go Home Again?

  1. A very interesting perspective on revisiting “home” & realizing you are exactly where you need to be. My condolences on your loss Deb💕

  2. You made total sense in your way. What a whirlwind trip but typical high energy you found a way to see those important to you. Plus spend time with your family that needed you. Sorry for your loss.

  3. The reason for you visiting your old stomping ground was not great, but I’m glad it gave you an insight into who you are now– and you are happy. I believe that home is where you are now, not where you were then.

  4. GORGEOUS header shot of the Speed River (all the photos are beautiful, btw). It reminds me of the bayou, therefore I must say your F.G. quote is most apt.

    My condolences on the loss of a family member – and my acknowledgement of the loss of your old self.

    1. Thank you, Maggie 💕 I did lose my old self, or at least shed some layers to reveal a new self. And that is a good thing. My time (especially in my old building and all that went with taking it over and revitalizing it) served its purpose and it was time for a new life. I suspected it then…and it was confirmed on this trip.

  5. I’m very sorry about your brother-in-law. I’m glad you got there in time. The image of the river is stunning, and that is a lovely path you had to walk on. I’m sure being there brought comfort.

    1. Joanne wisely took visiting her off the table, despite my initial protests. Due to time and circumstance (she is 2 hours away, and thanks to flight cancellation/rebooking I was now sans rental car), realistically we couldn’t make it happen. I was double-booked some days as it was, visiting with peeps in the local area. Thanks, Suzanne 💕

  6. There is a lot in this post. I’m sorry for your loss but glad you were able to incorporated some visits. I learned a long time ago that what is past is past. It’s different and you are different.

  7. The Misadventures of Widowhood

    Your last line is so true! I’m sorry about your brother’s passing. But I’m glad you were able to reconnect with friends and family when you went back for his service. Sounds like a whirlwind of emotion and keeping busy while you were gone.

    1. Oh, it was a whirlwind all right! I had to draw up a calendar for my host so that she (and I, truth be told 😉) knew where I was and who I was seeing for the days I was staying at her house. Thank you, Jean 💕

  8. Wow. What an epiphany about home and how much you have changed. I love that portion of your trip, well also seeing your people is a wonderful thing. So sorry about your brother in law; loss of a family member or friend is never easy. XO

    1. Thank you, Suz 💕 My BIL was a very special person, and a man of high principles. I’ll never forget the kindness and support he showed me after my husband died. There was no way I could not fly out to Ontario to pay my last respects.

  9. hilarymb

    Hi Deb – the ups and downs of life … it’d just be easier if they were slightly further apart. Yet you made the most of your time back east … I’ll omit the ‘can you go home again’ bit.

    Just sorry about your BIL – but you were wise to keep your spirits up by visiting old friends and just ‘casing the old haunts’ – your trail (the one you used to use!) is gorgeous … and the new bridge is functionable, even if not aesthetically ‘nice’ …

    Lovely photos though – and your ‘The Scream’ tree has sent me off in a slightly different direction for the next WEP post – latest one I’ve just put up – which is based on Munch’s ‘The Scream’ … cheers and welcome home – you’ll be mulling for a while – all the best – Hilary

      1. hilarymb

        Thanks Deb – the Scream one will be in October … but The Freedom of Speech August one is up … cheers and thanks for checking in – Hilary

  10. I feel like I’ve been some place magical when I read your posts. Your ability to transport the reader from their world to yours is a gift.
    I’m really sorry to hear about your brother-in-law. I’m sending you and your family my love.
    The path you took us on was lovely, thank you for sharing. Even the ugly new bridge.
    I love birch trees for the very reason you said in the picture.
    Something tells me the Lexus owner missed the irony, or maybe it was a license plate transfer, HA!
    You’re absolutely spot on about going home again because YOU have changed. So much good in this post.

    1. Thank you, Kari 💕 My BIL was my SIL’s husband, I should clarify…not the spouse of a sister. Still, he was dear to me. I was attempting to capture the magic of this particular trail so I’m glad you felt I succeeded. Yeah, it certainly made me scratch my head to see a vanity plate declaring one’s humbleness, regardless of what car it was affixed to. The fact that it was a pretty fancy Lexus just underscored the irony.

  11. I recognize sooo much in this post, Deb. Your old home state and area have now become “just another destination” – the place where you visit friends and family. Your entire experience is extremely similar to my recent visit to Belgium. What I did (seeing friends and family non-stop) and how I felt (exhausted and as if I’d never lived there). Unfortunately, I can even relate to your “feeling nothing.” And I’m talking about my home country! Yes, we change…

    1. Yes, Liesbet – you would recognize this feeling – of course you would! I too felt like I had never lived in my old building (that I used to love so much) in the emotional sense…of course I clearly have memories of living there – achh, it’s hard to explain but you get it 😁. Thank you 💕

    1. Nope. Other than everyone wearing masks and the odd temperature check, travel is right back to pre-pandemic levels so far as I could tell. The planes and airports were full. Travelling on empty planes and in empty airports during my move was fun while it lasted 😉. Thank you, Leslie 💕

  12. I’m so sorry for the loss your family has had.

    The images of the walk in the woods- your old stomping grounds are gorgeous!

    I can totally relate to how you’re feeling about your old home town. I feel the same about mine. I have changed, but to be honest my feelings for my old hometown changed long before I was able to leave.

    1. Thank you, Deborah 💕 As I mentioned to other commenters, my BIL was the husband of my late husband’s sister so not a loss affecting my blood family per se, but certainly he was important to me and I do miss him.

  13. Oh, your post’s ending checks all the right boxes for me. Well done, you. I’m always at a loss when I return to the place of my birth and upbringing, but you sum it up perfectly. We change and move on, latterly and figuratively. Sorry for your loss, hope he’s in a better place now. – Marty

  14. You’re making perfect sense – how can anything stay the same when you’re evolving? Having said that, fabulous images. I especially love the river at sunset.

  15. Hi, Deb – I know that this was a physically, emotionally and mentally exhaustive trip for you. I am so sorry about the loss of your BIL. May he rest in peace.
    I am inspired by your reflections and your beautiful photography. That one photo truly does look like The Scream!
    Welcome Home!

  16. m2muse

    Kindest regards for your loss. One of my prayers – thank you for my home in the hills, the home in my heart and the people who lead me there.

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  18. Your heading photo is exceptionally stunning, Deb! It is interesting to read more of the layers of your visit back to Ontario. Good grief on the flight cancellation. I am happy to hear you managed to visit friends and your son, his girlfriend and their doggy. It is a treasure to be able to get out on a solo walk during the busyness. An absolutely rewarding view. I love all of the photos!

    You remind me of the saying ‘home is where you are.’ Our family used this phrase a number of times when we were transferred. An excellent, wise last paragraph. I am extra happy you are calling “The Island” your home.❤️

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