All this talk about the coronavirus COVID-19 has led to a lot of talk and memes and blogging…and a lot of us are just now figuring out that many people need to reminded of basic daily hygiene habits like washing your hands. With soap. And suddenly I am faced with a memory from way back in the early days of work life when I was astounded by a home I visited.
A colleague and I had been invited to a bridal shower for another worker and we were happy to attend. Well, OK happy might be too strong a word but we wanted to go and support this other woman at this special time in her life so off we went, together.
The house was in a nice neighbourhood and well kept, inside and out. Clean and tidy looking. Once we were settled in the charming sunroom where the shower was being held, I asked to use the washroom and was directed to it. Hey, it was a bit of a drive to get there, OK? When I finished peeing, I approached the sink and was confused by the lack of a bar or container of hand soap. Then I checked the cabinet under the sink. Nada. I even pulled back the shower curtain to see if there was a bar of soap, shampoo…ANYTHING…to use to wash my hands with. Nope.
This was pre-purse-sized hand sanitizer, too. We’re talking the 1980s.
OK, I said to myself after rinsing the best I could with plain water, they forgot to put back the hand soap after cleaning up. I’ll head to the kitchen – they have to have hand soap there, right? Says she who has hand soap AND hand lotion at every damn sink. Gentle Badassians, I think you know already that there was no hand soap there either. I ran into the hostess in the kitchen and, still naively believing at this point that it was all some crazy oversight, told her I couldn’t find any soap to wash my hands with and where could I find some?
I got a blank look and was then told there is no soap. Not even dish soap, apparently (I asked). Who lives like this?!?!?!?! No apology. No embarrassment at being caught with no soap. Nothing. There was an awkward silence. I kept waiting for her to go “Psych!!! Oh my gawd! You should have seen your face when I told you there was no soap! Here you go – all the soap you need!” I ended the silence finally, by muttering “Oh, OK.” And got the hell out of that kitchen.
I returned to the sun room feeling most uncomfortable (in no small part because I hadn’t washed my hands with soap) and sat again beside my friend, who was also a microbiologist – I knew she would grasp the gravity of the situation immediately. I leaned in to her and sotto voce, explained that there was no soap in this house, meaning at the very least no one washed their hands properly therefore don’t ingest anything and let’s find a way to get out of here ASAP.
I forget how we got out of there or even if we did get out of there early. This was also pre-cell phones so we couldn’t suddenly get a call or text that meant we just HAD TO LEAVE. But I do remember not eating or drinking a damn thing and feeling oh-so-dirty the whole time. It was an experience I will never forget.
I do believe that people should not live sterile, spotless lives, and they should let their kids run barefoot and play in the dirt and snuggle puppies and cute baby farm animals, and so on. Our immune systems need to be challenged and exposed to natural flora and fauna. But I am also a firm believer in proper hygiene and immunization. You may be tough as nails because you aren’t very clean, and expose yourself to human pathogens on the regular. But what about the rest of us, and those of us whose immune systems are not up to snuff, for whatever reason? Just wash your damn hands. With soap. Especially if you are preparing food for a crowd attending an event such as a bridal shower. Really, people!
Have you ever gone to someone’s home and not been able to wash your hands properly? Please reaffirm to me that this was a very isolated experience. I once went to a house where there was no toilet paper to be had (oh, brother – another story!) but at least there was soap in the bathroom.
Rock on,
The WB
I squirmed reading this and am still resisting the urge to shudder. No soap? Anywhere? Yikes!
I still shudder to this day, recalling this memory.
When I first joined the Seniors’ club, a woman I didn’t know called to ask if she could carpool with me on a cycling outing. I said sure.
I was shocked when we met. She was filthy. Everything about her spoke of deeply engrained dirt. And she smelled badly. Very badly.
I spent 2 hours each way with her in my car and it was brutal. On top of it, she was a loud, forcefully-opinionated, obnoxious person.
I have given her a very wide berth ever since. Carpool again with a stranger? I don’t think so.
Wow. No words.
2,195 children die every day from diarrhea. Diarrhea is the leading cause of death of children under five worldwide. A huge percentage of these deaths could be prevented if families had access to soap and used it frequently and appropriately. Access to a latrine also would help. Forty percent of people worldwide do not have a latrine.
Jude
Shocking in this day and age that with all the world’s wealth, there are still those in such great need. I read that Spain is going to a universal basic income, due to the pandemic. May this start a world-wide movement!
How did they wash greasy dishes? Or their hair? My hair would be so oily without soap! I think (hope) this was an extreme but I did have a friend who routinely changed her kids diapers without washing her hands (even if she was eating). I was grossed out by this and didn’t eat at her home. (Many pathogens are fecal based.) This post was so sane and logical that I am convinced we had the same mother. BTW I am equally appalled by moms who won’t let their kids get dirty…ever!
Kate, I am still baffled to this day. No embarrassment, no excuses. No explanations. I had all the same thoughts as you. I was too polite (and shocked) to ask those questions but they were certainly whirling in my brain at that moment (and still).
Well that’s just plain icky. I’m a doctor’s daughter and the washing of hands was [and still is] of extreme importance. However I’ve been in a home where the only soap was a ratty bar of soap by the bathroom sink and one was to use the owner’s damp bathtowels to dry one’s hands. Like you and your friend I amscrayed from there as fast as possible.
At that point I was praying for a grimy dirt-caked bar of soap and a damp hand towel. 🤣 At least it would have been proof that basic hygiene practices were being followed.
True. Oh your story is horrifying, mine is just weird. The things you learn when you go to someone’s home, eh?
Usually I learn good stuff. But not this time.
Eeewwww, I’m with you. I have PLENTY of soap – even before the Corona panic because who doesn’t have plenty of soap? – And also. Hand lotion. This post gave me the willies. And the fact that she just told you there’s no soap like she told you it’s raining out is so odd… I’d of been out of there in a flash. So happy you didn’t eat or drink anything. I know a few people that I would never eat or drink anything they made. Friendly but not friends. I’m too much of a germaphobe. And seriously tho, who doesn’t have soap in their home???
Well, I’m not a germaphobe even though I am a microbiologist. Thanks to my past work, I probably have immunity to all the major human food pathogens – Salmonella, Listeria, E. coli 0157, etc. – out there. I’ve worked with all the bad bugs so I have been exposed no matter how diligent I’ve been at at aseptic procedure.
But that doesn’t mean I will take stupid chances either.
Exactly – who doesn’t have soap in their home???
ewwwww…..thats disgusting!!! I am shocked! I have a pump at every sink, even for the bathrooms we don’t use!
I’m with you, Pam.
We had a couple of friends over for drinks the other night and I caught myself excessively washing my hands in front of them (with soap!!) at the kitchen sink. I had this weird compulsion to demonstrate that ‘everything here is clean, no need to worry.’ Writing this as I am about to head out the door to Walmart!!
I hope we all have this much awareness of cleanliness going forward, Suzanne! Be the change you wish to see!😁
Oh, yuck! How could they not know to use soap in bathrooms, especially. Every public bathroom has it so ignorance isn’t an excuse. Sounds like they were just too cheap to “waste” money on soap.
My husband and I were invited to dinner to a farm where everything was literally thick with dust webs…must have been there for years. Dirtiest house I’d ever been in except for a hoarders house. I got really sick with IBS after eating there and it took me months to recover. Stupid me, I drank the raw milk that was served. At least at a shower you could not eat or drink and maybe no one would notice.
My mother always told me that soap is cheap so there is no excuse to be dirty. And she grew up in the Netherlands when it was occupied by the Nazis. They had almost no food to eat, but dammit her mother kept those kids (and her house, down to daily scrubbing of the front stoop) clean!
Have you written that story down? I would love to read it
No, but that’s a good idea for around Remembrance Day. Thanks Bernie💕
I look forward to reading it
💕😁
Never had that experience. But I’ve seen too many people touching their faces and noses and pets and other things while preparing food, that I’m wary of eating at anyone’s house. Perhaps a good baby shower gift for that lady would have been a 10-pack of Ivory soap bars.
Yeah, if only I had known I could have brought her some hand soap. As it was I never got a thank you note for either the shower or the wedding gift. They had a house fire shortly after they got married. The gifts were still at her mother’s but she told us at work that she was going to put in an insurance claim for them anyways, along with the house. Then a couple of months after that she told us that she and her husband decided to divorce (on paper) so that she could collect more $$ from the government as a single mom. Some people!
With no soap, of course they knew how to deal dirty.
Of course! I never made that connection. Thanks TG!
Just when you think you’ve heard everything.
Yup.
Way too many dogdy stories here … nightmares ahead. Very strange and unsettling – but there are some strange things going on – let’s make sure we take care of ourselves … cheers Hilary
Absolutely, Hilary. Taking care of ourselves and others that can’t care for themselves is all we can do.
It’s hard to believe that anyone could live without soap, but there you go Deb. Wise move not to eat there.
Leslie xoxo
I looked at all the goodies and all I could “see” was the treats crawling in fecal matter. Pretty easy not to eat after that. Thanks Leslie.
Luckily I’ve never been in a home where soap wasn’t readily available; that just sounds icky. But as someone who has manned the booth at dozens of tradeshows over the years I can tell you that you don’t want to know, even with plenty of soap and water available, how many men DO NOT wash their hands when they use public washrooms. *Shudders*
And don’t get me started on people at buffets who seem unfamiliar with how the supplied tongs and other serving utensils work. It’s enough to make me marvel that our species isn’t already extinct.
I guess the only good thing about a serious virus outbreak is that it gets people talking about basic proper hygiene practices.
I have been surprised by how many female coworkers I have noticed NOT washing their hands either, after using a shared bathroom facility. It’s not only the men, Norm!
Now, see, this woman fascinates me. The fact that you beat feet to get out of there makes toal sense. But you definitely left me wanting to know more about her. Was there a clothes washer and dryer in the home? Did she trim her finger and toenails? Was she one of those religious types who disdains medicine? Was there evidence of idol worship? Man, I’d have needed to know her entire life philosophy prior to the creeps eventually entering my brain cells. 😉 – Marty
Read my reply to Tippy Gnu to learn more about this woman and her family. Truly shameless people. The group of them looked clean but you really never know, do you?
Never been anywhere that didn’t have soap, other than the rare and random rest stop where the attendant didn’t fill up the soap containers. So how did they wash their dishes? Or didn’t they? I’d have backed out of the place slowly too.
Oh….maybe they had some sort of political or religious or climate change reason to not have soap in the house?
Well, it was the 1980s so I don’t think there were any climate change (not really a thing back then) or other reasons to avoid soap. I had never been any home before (or since) that didn’t have soap in it.
Read my reply to Tippy Gnu. Believe me, these were not religious or moral people.
Oh. My. God. I have splits in my fingertips from washing my hands. It won’t be me passing a virus to friends and acquaintances – at least not knowingly.
Good for you, Susanne💕
One had no soap, another no toilet paper??! 😮 I would hope they are isolated incidents. That’s gross! Surely, these are staples that most everyone has in abundance.
One would think, Debbie. But apparently not.
I’m stunned! Never, have I been a guest in someone’s home that didn’t have soap. And I was raised by a Mom who put out those little individualized hand towels, so I’m feeling a little grossed out by this. I can’t image preparing and serving food on top of that! I suppose these “friends” of yours developed a pretty strong resistance to virus. Too bad they might be spreading it!!
Who know, Tracey? This happened over 30 years ago. It was gross then and is still gross today.
Yep this has happened to me in the last year or two. No bathroom soap and no kitchen soap. WTF. Went back upstairs and used shampoo to wash my hands.
Holy moley! I was hoping mine was an isolated experience. At least you found shampoo!
Yes and it was a pot luck so I ate what I brought and some From trusted others on plastic and paper, made up allergies or dietary restrictions for items I wasn’t sure of and left.
That’s a great strategy, Sis 💕
Ah, the secrets that this virus is revealing. Richard just shared that finally he sees men washing their hands in public restrooms. What?? They generally didn’t wash before…or even rinse? Apparently not! Your experience would have had me running for cover…and for the nearest container of soap!
🤣🤣🤣
Years ago a friend invited me to dinner in her small apartment, bathroom right off the kitchen. While preparing the food, she excused herself to use the bathroom; she came back out and delved right back into the food prep (no stop at the kitchen sink). Thinking nothing of it, I enjoyed the dinner; until I had to use the bathroom. Yup, you guessed it, no soap at all in the bathroom! Ugh! Couldn’t wait to get out of there – kept thinking I was going to get violently ill. Never ate there again!
What is with these people who don’t wash their hands with soap???? Thanks for commenting Barbara💕
Better to have a dirty mind than dirty hands…
True enough. Dirty minds, like dirty hands, bother no one if the owner keeps them to themselves. 😁 Thank you Kieran 💕
I’ve never been to a house with no soap, but I’ve been invited for meals that were left on the counter for so long I was concerned about the safety of the food. Needless to say, I suddenly wasn’t very hungry.
Yeah, that…my MIL once tried to convince me that a raw beef roast she forgot to remove from the trunk of the car after shopping was still OK because it was wrapped in plastic. It was left overnight in the car…in July. I told her it had to be thrown out, which she did. But she wasn’t very happy with me. Then I was at her mom’s once 3 days before Christmas to find a turkey thawing on the counter. It was gonna stay on that counter until Christmas Day. Again, same rationale – it’s wrapped up so it’ll be fine. What can I say? Those people were some tough!
Yuck! I wonder if any of the other attendees used the bathroom and discovered the same thing. Even if she never used soap (who would do that??) you’d think she’d put some out for guests to, you know, at least appear normal.
Janis, I figured out later that this was probably just the way this extended family and friend group lived, and only outsiders would think this was shocking and unacceptable.
No soap anywhere is a first for me, Deb. Yes, proper hygiene and immunization. Without all the details and using common sense in general, the dental office environment was one of the cleanest places to work. Sometimes, common sense is not very common.
Thanks Erica 💕 We are just now all finding out how uncommon washing hands actually is. I learned many years ago that not everyone even stocks their sinks with hand soap. I had hoped people got smarter since then but apparently not! Maybe this is one good thing that can come out of this pandemic – people becoming reacquainted with basic hygiene measures.
I spent my childhood in the tropics (India & West Africa) and never had to ask for soap :O Your experience sounds quite horrific. Until I reached my current decade, I’d no idea why people wanted hand cream alongside their soap dispenser. My aged old hands are – somewhat belatedly – making that lesson clear. On that subject, I really should have listened to my mother 😀
Nice to see you fellow Deb(orah) – I found you via our mutual blogging friend Ally.
Hi there Deb💕, thanks for coming over and commenting! Hand cream is a must where I currently live. The winters mean being stuck inside for months and months, in the super-dry heated air of our homes. And now I need hand cream so I don’t look so withered, not just because I hate the feel of dried out skin😜.
Deb