A few weeks ago something pretty much unheard of where I live happened. A woman was shot to death in a parking lot in broad daylight. Police weren’t releasing too many details, other than her name and a couple of pictures of the vehicle they think that the suspect was using at the time the crime was committed. A couple of days later, the police acted on a tip and found the suspect and his vehicle in another parking lot in town. But as they closed in, he shot himself, and – despite intense medical efforts – passed away. So ends another tragic, shocking story in my part of the world – with two sets of grieving families and friends (victim’s and murderer’s).
The woman’s name sounded strangely familiar to me so I paid this story more attention than I normally would. It didn’t take me long to piece together that the victim was indeed the sister of someone that lived one house away from me during my first marriage. In another lifetime, the victim’s sister and I used to hang out once in a while when our kids were small and we were both lonely and bored out of my mind stay-at-home moms.
Then, as these things happen, I became privy to more details about the murder, through another acquaintance. Here’s what I was told.
The victim was irked that the murderer was dealing drugs in plain view in the parking lot of the victim’s building. She confronted the murderer about it and then started taking photos of the murderer’s car with her cell phone. That’s when she was shot with intent to kill (which happened), and her cell phone smashed by the murderer and left on the ground in the parking lot. The police were able to get the photos of the car from the broken cell phone they retrieved from the scene of the crime.
No doubt in my mind this woman was a Badass. She was of a certain age (very close to mine), where latent Badassery will manifest itself, whether resulting from life circumstances, declining hormone levels, increasing wisdom, or all of the above. I like to think all women eventually come into this Badass stage of life, and that it is one to be welcomed and applauded. Also known as the Zero Fucks Given, Sick of Always Being “Nice”, Sick of Taking Other People’s Shit stage of life.
However, there is a cautionary tale here. No doubt about it – realizing your true nature as a Badass is a wonderful thing…BUT! There is a BUT…and it’s a big ‘un.
BUT! PLEASE BE CAREFUL. The world needs us wise old lady Badasses (whether they know it or not) and now there is one less of us in the world. Don’t risk your personal safety to right the world’s wrongs.
You may be are fierce, but not fierce enough to stop a bullet or to overcome someone who is physically bigger and stronger than you. And then there is the futility of dealing with someone who may be mentally unstable.
Choose your battles wisely and with care, and think first and foremost of your own safety and well-being.
That is certainly the personal lesson I took away from this tragic event.
Stay safe out there fellow Badasses – and rock on,
The WB
Hi Deb, First and foremost, I am sorry for the 2 lives lost and for the 2 sets of grieving families and friends. A story, especially a tragic one always resonates more when it hits too close to him. I am closer to being a Badass at this stage in life. Although, I am with you, choose your battles wisely. I can always come up with ‘better’ solutions from the couch. Stay safe, Widow Badass. No neighbourhood is immune. Thanks for sharing, Deb. Erica
Thank you Erica! 💕
Drugs destroy lives and your cautionary tale is one I hope your friends and family will take seriously. So sorry this happened and happened so close to where you live.
So many lives destroyed by illegal drugs! Thanks Jean💕
Hi Deb! So sorry to hear about this woman because she was brave and obviously committed to doing something important. I agree that we all have to exercise caution (regardless of our age) but can also relate to that woman’s drive to right a wrong. The challenge is to know where to draw the line as well as to be willing to stand up for what is deeply important to us. Hopefully we discover that difference in advance! ~Kathy
Yes, agreed. I’m all for doing the right thing but hopefully there is a way to do it without risking your life. Now this family and her community has to go on without a beloved matriarch. And someone else will fill the void left by this drug dealer, unfortunately. Most certainly already has. 😞
I’m in my badass years, too, but I’m still using my training wheels. The other day, while on the phone with the bank, I challenged the call centre gal. In order to ID me as me, I was supposed to tell her just one product I had at the bank. I told her two, for good measure, you know? She scolded me for telling her two, and we had to start the whole authorization process over again. For why, I haven’t a clue, and I let her know in no uncertain terms what I thought about that.
When the call was over, I regretted my sharp response, not so much that I was just as rude as she was, but that she had the power to do something to my credit card. (I have an active imagination, what can I say?)
Obviously, the consequences of my actions were not nearly as disastrous as those that you describe, and I certainly don’t mean to diminish the loss of this poor woman’s life by telling you my pitiful story.
But there *are* consequences when we challenge someone. I wholeheartedly agree, a little “look before you leap”-ing could save more than your face. It could save your badass.
“It could save your badass” Brilliant! Thanks Maggie 💕
That is truly tragic. The first death was senseless which the killer must have realized because he took his own. Makes me wonder if there was more to this story.
There probably is, Kate. And I’m not even sure if the details I were given are correct in their entirety. The only thing for sure is that 2 are dead and two families (and a whole community) are grieving.
As a fellow “Badasser”, don’t think I would have confronted the guy.
Leslie
I’d like to think I wouldn’t either, Leslie. But I have certainly done things that some would consider foolhardy, when my temper got the better of me 🤷♀️.
I sued some plumber once. My husband was really worried about it. So when I went to court I was accompanied by my husband, my two strapping sons and my brother. So I felt pretty safe with them at my back.
Nice to have protection and a show of force!
Indeed it was and that was the whole idea.
I’m not sure I’ve entered into a Badass mindset yet. I’m a “fraidy-cat” for sure. My hubby has a few times confronted things (he’s a stickler for rules) that almost came to fist fighting. Just scares me to say anything negative to anyone these days… you never know who’s mentally unstable or who has a gun/knife. Doesn’t say much for the world we live in.
No, it doesn’t Pat. Another blogger friend of mine, Jean, just posted about looking for the “gunslinger’s seat” when she eats out – against the wall and facing the door – in case a shooter enters. What a world we live in!!!
A good reminder to be a badass… but be a wise badass. Too many crazies out there (and many have guns). I’d probably take pictures… hidden and well-away from him.
Yes, that would be me too – peaking around drapes and snapping pics on the sly. Thanks, Janis 💕
That’s just awful. 🙁 I am constantly reminding myself that I’m not bullet proof. – Also, what a coward to kill himself before that woman’s family could see actual justice.
His dad wrote a heartfelt public apology to the family.
Wow, how sad and tragic. I can’t imagine having to sit down and write a letter like that.
Me either!
This is such a tragic story – with a wise moral. As with you, and the other commenters, my thoughts go out for the lives lost and the grieving friends and families.
Thanks Donna 💕
What a tragic story! Yes, it pays to be a wise Badass and think before you act. Instead of direct confrontation, she should have gathered evidence surreptitiously and presented it to the police.
I don’t know the whole story, Debbie – or what led to the decision to confront instead of going to the police. Just the tragic aftermath of that decision. 😢
That is so sad! Agree with your analysis. Badassery should also be safeassery.
Hah! “Safeassery” – love it, Dawn! 💕
Good advice, Deb, regardless of where we live and whether or not we consider ourselves a badass. Btw, I don’t consider myself a badass. My deeply ingrained RC upbringing of ‘turning the other cheek’ is hanging on tenaciously.
This is sad on so many levels 😕
Hang with me, Sister – and I’ll get you there 😉. Safely.
I’m sure you will 🙂
What an incredibly awful chain of events. I cannot imagine how weirded out I’d be if I was in your situation. I mean obviously you won’t be doing anything confrontational, but to have a connection with this poor woman who meant well… It’s just sad.
Yes, thanks Ally. A very sad situation that weighs heavy on my mind.
I can see why. I’m going to think about for a while, too.
There but for the grace of whatever go I…
What a sad ending for a valiant woman Deb. We all have that belief that we’re bulletproof, but in a society where every man and his dog carries a gun, I’d be a little bit more circumspect with how I go about dealing with crazy drug pushers. It’s nice to think that Midlife brings Badassery with it, but also a bit of wisdom in how we wield our powers for good is needed to (as you say!)
Thanks Leanne – all the more shocking to me is that it happened in small town Canada, where I THOUGHT hand guns were still scarce. Colour me naive, I guess!
My wife, a welcome mat for about the first 50 or so years of her life, has become just the Badass you aspire for all women. I like this, but sometimes I worry that she too, may bite off more than she can chew. Very good lesson in this news story. Moderation is important in all things.
“Pick your battles wisely” is the saying I am reminded of. Thanks TG!
Hi Deb,
I admire this woman…but how awful how it all ended. I heartily agree that I am at the point where I don’t suffer fools, incompetents, or bullies easily and usually am not shy about speaking up!
I will take to heart your advice about making sure our “badassery” does not come with dangerous consequences.
Thanks for your comment , Nancy. Agreed!
What a very tragic story. I think I would draw the line at getting involved with drug dealers for one thing and secondly at taking photos to provide proof of wrong doing. Much easier and safer to just call the police and let them deal with it. I do appreciate the value of “being a badass” especially when we get on in life, but the slippery slope from bad ass to doing something that can cost you your life can be short.
Peta
A slippery slope indeed, Peta!
What is your favorite latent badassery that has manifested in yourself Deb? Oh, and yeah, so true about our age and all the good stuff that goes along with it!
Well, it was at an outdoor rock festival…people started walking across where my daughter was sitting on our blanket threatening to trample her. I got into words with one chick (apparently I shoved her out of our way though I have no recollection of doing so). She snarled at me: you think you’re the queen of everything, don’t you? I stared her down and calmly replied: Yes. I am.
Damn! That’s badass
Probably more Mama Bear than Badass. I don’t care how old they get; if you come for my kids you better come for me too.
That is so sad. These days too many people turn away from situations that really need intervention, but then this happens when someone stands up.
That is the sad truth, AJ.